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I'm a fool. I let myself get wrapped up into my own fantasy and now that reality is hitting me it feels even worse.
What did I expect of out Jadean? Did I expect him to change for me? There's so many girls who probably believed that they could, what made me different? I don't have any redeeming special qualities, I'm pretty ordinary if you ask me and I'm not sure what I bring to the table that even stands out.
My vision and thoughts were clouded as I walked, seeing Kiyana sit on Jadean's lap was all I needed to see to understand the situation. I should've know that this was going to happen and I curse at myself for living in some sort of "lala" land expecting that I'm gonna get my happy ending. Jadean was never meant for me and I was never meant for him, it was never going to work.
He was never going to change and I was always going to be the girl who got their heart broken from believing he would. The heavy sinking feeling in my chest bothered me and as soon as I made my way down the bleachers and to some open field I felt a hand on my wrist.
I let out a loud sigh, "Jadean, look can you please just leave me alone?" I turn around, and to my surprise it was Camilla and Nina. "Jadean's still by the bleachers, we told him not to follow us and we followed you as soon as you left." Camilla said as she let go of my wrist and I turned around to her fully.
"I don't know why I keep going back if I know how the outcome of this is gonna be," I rub my hands down my face, "He told me he liked me, and I genuinely believed it and was willing to make some compromise with him but obviously it seems this isn't going to work out."
"I'm so sorry you had to see that." Nina said and Camilla agreed, "Literally fuck that guy anyways, it's crazy how he ended up seeing Kiyana's true colours and yet still allows her to be this way." I let out a long sigh, "it's whatever I should've expected this anyways."
"I didn't know you and Jadean were talking." Nina says. "Well, I wouldn't exactly know what to call it necessarily, but whatever it was it's genuinely over now so I guess there's no need to dwell on it." I say. "I know everything's like a lot but I do think you should talk to him though, let your feelings be known and find your closure and move on officially." Camilla rests her hand on my shoulder.
"I don't know, every time I talked to him to stop things or to get closure I always ended up getting sucked back into his stupid bubble." I say running a frustrating hand through my curls. "Maybe shoot him a text or something , doesn't have to be in person." Nina interjects and I shake my head.
"Honestly I don't have any intentions of talking to him at all, I feel like if I waste my time getting some closure from him, I'm gonna get up in his draws and we're trying to avoid that all together." I say. Camilla and Nina laughed. "I'm being dead serious guys, I'll actually end up fucking him, it happens every time," I sigh, "I need to be able to control myself some more before I can even face him in the first place."
