ROMANTICIZE | 18+

16 | in my head

I feel like sometimes I can be a horrible person.

I felt slightly guilty about the actions that conspired between Jadean and I yesterday morning. I mean, is it wrong of me to do those actions? At the end of the day I figured that Jadean and Kiyana weren't even together so would it be fucked up of me to have sex with him?

Well of course it is, at the end of the day that is my friend and matter of fact even though they didn't have a romantic relationship with one another, there definitely had to be something brewing there. He did make her have her birthday party at his place and it's definitely true they've had a sexual relationship.

Maybe friends with benefits? Or, maybe broken up exes who couldn't get away from each other? I don't know, my head it a swirling spiral at this current moment and I haven't even heard from Kiyana since the party. The last time I checked she left me on read so I was a little worried about her. I wonder if Jadean told her.

I mean, I'd rather her hear it from me, so if Jadean hadn't told her already, I might as well should. I couldn't help but thinking back on our moment together though, how his head looked in between my legs or the way he spoke to me as he was fucking me on the counter.

oh God.

I felt the familiar pulsing sensation between my legs and my face began to heat up. I needed to snap out of it, snap out of this trance. This was wrong to think of someone who my friend is involved with in, I had to make it clear to Jadean that nothing else was going to happen between us.

If I kept on eloping with him I was sure I wouldn't even be able to untangle my self from his own stupid handsome grasp. I don't like it when life gets too complicated for my liking only because I think I make stupid decisions since I don't think straight sometimes. I'm sure I'm not the only girl he's got himself in involved in and I'm sure he is just the regular guy who can't keep him dick to himself.

I just wish I played a more harder to get role.

"Zhavia you alright girl? you literally have been spaced out for literally the entire lesson." Camilla said, my eyes traced up around the room and seen the students were packing up and ready to head out from todays lecture. "Yeah, I'm fine I've just been super out of it I guess. I think I may of drank too much at Kiyana's party and I'm still dealing with the after affects of my actions." I reply as I closed my laptop.

"Alright girl. Speaking of Kiyana though, have you seen or heard much from her? She's been kinda m.i.a since the morning after the party." Camilla stands up and so do I as both of us made our way down the steps to exit the lecture hall. "I'm not sure honestly," I sigh, at least I wasn't the only one who's been kinda ghosted, "I tried messaging her and she left me on read, I'm just a little worried that she didn't have a good time at the party."

"Hm, well I know you spent the night at Jadean's place, how was that?" She asked. Just Jadean's name put shivers down my spine, as much as I am a person who's emotions read on her face I definitely had to keep it together. "It was fine, I kinda left basically as soon as I woke up," I kinda lie, "I'm honestly kinda mad at y'all for leaving me there."

"I'm sorry," Camilla groans, "Apparently I was drunk as fuck and Kylan had told me Jadean said it was fine to keep you." I roll my eyes at her response, I wasn't surprised that was the outcome of the situation though. Camilla had never been the type of girl to be able to handle her liquor well and always had her boyfriend taking care of her so it was just something I'd have to shrug off though.

"Well , hopefully you don't do that with some stranger and they end up killing me in my sleep or something." I state.

As we continued walking down the hall my eyes wandered to a familiar figure, it was Kiyana and she had seemed to be sitting in one of the random couches around the campus as she seemed to be typing quickly on her phone. Her brows were furrowed together as she looked honestly a little , mad ?

I think she was arguing over text.

"Shit, it's Kiyana should we approach her?" Camilla says beside me. "Yeah," I say, "let's walk over to her."

As we gotten closer to Kiyana it had seemed she sensed up because as soon as she looked up, but strangely enough she had seemed like she quickly gave me a weird look.

Maybe I'm tripping.

"Hey?" I say a little confusingly, "You okay? We've been kinda worried about you cause we hadn't heard from you."

Kiyana shook her head, "Sorry bout that, I guess I needed my own breather and just wanted to take some time for myself. I should've let y'all know though, I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay," Camilla chimed, "but I'm guessing you party hadn't gone as planned? Cause you pretty much dipped from it and I hadn't heard much from you after that."

Kiyana shrugged, "I guess you could say that, things got complicated and me and Jadean got into a weird exchange and I just wasn't feeling it."

I shift uncomfortably.

"I hate niggas bro," Camilla groans, "They literally ruin everything."

"Right." Camilla agrees, "At least y'all enjoyed yourselves though?"

"Yeah," I nod, "it was fun but it would've been way more fun if you were there."

"Yeah, fun." Kiyana gives me a weird look, "Also, I really do wanna talk to you about something important Zhavia mind if I borrow you for a couple minutes."

My heart felt like it was in my ass but I forced a smile.

"Sure."