ROMANTICIZE | 18+

18 | worth it

Work wasn't enough of a distraction to get the thoughts of what Kiyana had told me out of my head.

She had called me last night and told me to not tell Jadean what she said because she didn't want him to lose trust in her or something along those lines.

Which I guess I could understand.

Today was a pretty bland day, Kiyana had called in sick for work so it was just me around. I kinda preferred it that she wasn't here though, I had time to bask in my own thoughts and kinda think over everything. I mean, I think the way she broke the news to me of what Jadean said was kinda worded weird but I guess she seemed to have my best interest at heart.

Maybe it was just the weird feeling in my chest of how Jadean literally had me on his kitchen counter, calling me beautiful and making me feel all these weird emotions. Then he had the nerve to tell Kiyana he would never get like a girl like me.

What is that even supposed to mean?

I wondered if I came off desperate when it came to him, or maybe it was me being all awkward and shy in the beginning of meeting him. Maybe it's the way I gave it up to him so easily and found myself under his stupid spell.

I let out a loud sigh, my hand ruffled through my curls. I decided to let it down today, not something I try to do often only because of how much maintenance it caused me.

I tried to make myself feel better by doing my makeup as well, I always had some sort of makeup to work but I decided to do full face natural glam to pick up my mood. I hated looking the way I felt and it always seemed when I am down it's evident in my face.

I just don't want that to show that I was upset.

I figure if that's what Jadean is telling Kiyana he's actually the piece of shit I thought he was. If he wouldn't get with a girl like me it would make sense for me to spill the beans to Kiyana right?

But I don't wanna feel like I'm only telling her out of spite because of what Jadean said, I want to do it for her best interest. As much as I'd like to be that person, and I do have Kiyana's best interest at heart I can tell that me fessing up the truth would out of spite.

Being with Jadean in that moment felt good, his body, his hands and dick all felt good. The way he spoke to me, used me. Gosh, it's all I can think about sometimes even the fact of knowing he was a dickhead.

Maybe this is what Jadean was talking about, he knows he's not shit, but the girl always keeps coming back because of his stupid charm and dick game. I hated the fact he was good at what he does.

I felt like this whole situation was too complicated for my liking and honestly it seemed that Jadean came with too much trouble and attention I really didn't need so I just need to drop this whole thing.

"Hey sweetheart." I hear a familiar voice say to me and I turned around to see Rosie's face. Rosie was one of the workers here and probably the only people outside of Kiyana that I liked. Rosie was a much older woman but she honestly looked young for her age. "Hey Rosie, what's up?" I reply.

She passes me three stacks of books, "Would you be a doll for me and put these books back in the non-fiction section in their specific areas?" I take them from her hands, "Yeah, that's no problem."

She gave me a smile and a 'thankyou' before walking away.

I scanned the books to see where they needed to be placed before coming out of the front desk towards where all the books were.

After a couple minutes of searching I found their designated areas and started to place them back in.

I was humming to myself, but my body jolted up in surprise to feel of hands around my waist and a firm body pressed against my back. I immediately turned around to come lock eyes with the last person I'd want to see right now.

"Missed me?" Jadean smiled, his white teeth practically blinding me and all of a sudden my thoughts referred to a couple days ago and I felt myself become weary. Jadean's fingers trailed it's way up my shirt, his fingers only going up my stomach.

"No, I didn't miss you." I said sternly. Jadean brought his head down to my ear as he whispered, "You're beautiful naturally but why are you out here this dolled up? Is there a guy you're trying to impress?"

"Do you care?" I gulp. I felt shivers go down my spine as his fingers raised higher. "No." He says still in my ear, "But I'd love to see that pretty face of yours make that face I seen when I was fucking you on my counter."

I felt my breathing change, and almost immediately I snapped out of whatever trance I was in. I looked around remembering I was in the library and wondered if anyone was watching us. Putting my hands on Jadean's chest I softly pushed his body away from me.

"I can't do this." I say. Jadean looked at me confusingly, "Do what?"

"This." I say, "I can't keep messing with you like this. Kiyana is my friend and I know she likes you like that it would be wrong of me to be fucking with you like that."

Also Kiyana's words of what Jadean had told her taunted my head again once more. My brows furrowed because his actions were completely different from what I was told, seemed as if Jadean was just trying to play both sides.

"You don't get with girls like me." I shrug.

Jadean gave me a weird look, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look, we can't be talking or any of that. Frankly I don't wanna speak to you either. So, can we just forget about what happened that morning and let's just leave each other alone." I say, before turning around and leaving back to the front desk.

I heard Jadean calling my name but he didn't grab me or follow me.

I didn't want to give Jadean a chance to speak and honestly I didn't wanna hear it. My feelings were hurt and I just didn't wanna ruin my friendship with Kiyana.

He wasn't worth it.