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"Girl, why are you a walking ball of bad energy?"Camilla tapped my shoulder as she stood beside me as I was eating away at my Ramen. "What do you mean?" I say looking over at her and she folded her arms and shook her head, "For the past few days all you've been doing is sitting down here and sulking and this is the most I've seen you at the house in literal weeks."
"Yeah," I sigh, "Sorry, I've just been pretty out of it recently." Camilla sat beside the vacant seat beside me as she rubbed my shoulder, "Look, I know you've been hanging out with Jadean and obviously it has something that pertains to him so I think the best thing you can do for yourself is open up to me about it."
"Sorry, I know it literally isn't like me to not tell you basically everything," I sigh, "Honestly it's like, those things where once you start boasting and talking about a nigga he starts acting different? Didn't wanna risk it ."
She moves her hand, "Yeah I definitely feel that. Even so, I'm not just anyone, I want you to be able to tell me about what's going on with you, as I would do for you." I give her a small smile, "Well, as you know me and Jadean have been hanging out for the past couple weeks, but I guess I find myself wanting more from him. I kinda brought it up and asked him what we were but he just said he's not ready for that step. I'm not asking him to get into an immediate relationship with me or anything but I want to at least have the reassurance that's it's just me in the picture. He never gives me that."
"Ah," she clicked her tounge, "Do you know why he doesn't reassure you or doesn't wanna make that extra step?"
I shrug, "There are several possibilities, but out of respect for his privacy, all I can say is that he has experienced a lot of heavy shit. He said that because everything is new to him, he's still learning how to manage his emotions, but he is unable to give me the commitment I'm asking for at this time."
"I see," she sighs, "But it's one of those things Zhavia where I can understand both sides. I understand obviously you don't wanna be kept a secret or you don't want to keep having your hopes up knowing you may not want to get knocked down but, I mean what I think you should be more patient with him."
I rose my brow, "That's surprising coming from you." Camilla smiled, "Well I'm being foreal, I think you guys just need to communicate properly. You both need to find a ground of compromise." I take a sip from the broth of my ramen, "I just don't wanna get hurt, but I guess maybe I spoke out of impulse. I get defensive really easily when it comes to my feelings so I just self sabotage a lot."
"Yeah, I was like that too," Camilla admits, "I don't know if I told you this but you know me and Kylan broke up for a month , at one point like a year ago and that was because I kept self sabotaging. Getting mad at little things, always being paranoid, you know how guys use to move with me in high school, so I never felt like anyone was able to love me properly, so I projected it unto him."
"Wow, I didn't know you guys even broken up." This was definitely surprised because ever since Camilla and Kylan were together they had always seem like the perfect couple. "Yeah, I went through a heavy depression because of our break up actually," she tapped her finger on the table, "I didn't wanna talk to anyone about because I knew I was in the wrong, as bad as it sounds I didn't want anyone to think of me as some insecure bitch. Which I was."
