Bitch boys | NCT Mafia AU

Heartache: Chapter 54

Seasons changed, but Taeyong never did.

•

There was nothing but silence. It was so foriegn to you back then, but it became the norm as weeks passed.

He began sleeping in the bed again, but the two of you remained on opposite ends.

You were so aware of every little thing about him and it drove you insane.

His scent that was mixed with tiny hinta of perfume, the small faint red marks littered on his collarbones and neck, and the the swapping of outfits from when he'd leave to when he'd return.

He couldn't be more obvious.

He couldn't make it more clear.

He just couldn't care less.

He was always full when he returned, he never needed to shower and he always seemed exhausted.

It wasn't work and the two of you knew it.

He caught your gaze, you judged quietly at all the little red marks on his body.

His neutral expression turned sour, quickly. He threw his shirt back on and left the room, bringing a pillow and a blanket to his study.

You thought things were improving slightly, despite his clear lack of shame regarding his affair.

The two of you would smile a little when returning back home and would usually eat lunch together. You two weren't talking yet, but it was an improvement.

It gave you some hope that things would get better.

You needed that hope. You needed him.

•

You couldn't make it any more obvious.

Taehyung couldn't take it anymore. He sighed loudly, as he threw the pillow and blanket onto his leather coach.

He hated the silence and as of that moment, he hated you. He hated how much he let himself go, just to be with you, be your husband.

He didn't know himself anymore because of you.

He became more than just your lover; he became your butler, your therapist, your bed, your pillow, your hitman.

Taehyung never experienced inner conflict, he never believed in that nonsense. He saw himself as a murderer, he saw it clear, in black and white. But you started adding strokes of colour, shadows and highlights. Taehyung seriously began to see himself more, a man with blood not only on his hands, but smothered across every inch of his body, pouring out of his own wounds.

He was injured both internally and externally. He was a patient and a doctor.

He began seeing himself as a man, who had a will to live, based on not wordly luxuries, but, love. Taehyung believed in love.

Taehyung believed in what he saw in your eyes and that killed the murderer he thought he was.

He was taught not to feel and certainly not to love.

To hurt you made him feel like he was the murderer he used to be. To hurt you, to make you cry, to make your heart sting - it gave him relief. That he didn't lose that foundation of his identity. But it tore him up inside, that he had to do that to you.

It made him feel less like a man and more like a monster and he liked it. He hated that he liked it.

He figured that it would be fine to do that to you - that you loved him enough to go through this with him.