My Life With My True Feelings

Blind for you

I wish I was fine,
But you're not mine,
I miss the warm hugs every night,
I can no longer see the light
You used to hold me tight,
We both know we crossed the line,
Having fights every night,
Yet we loved each other,
My brother, he warned me,
Warned me about boys who take broken girls,
Like myself,
I used to curl up in my room,
And cry and hide,
Guess love does make you blind,

Why can't I learn my lesson..,
People keep on messing with my heart,
I need to lock my heart,
From getting hurt,
I need to learn,
Learn that nobody is who they seem to be,

Why god, Why can't I be fucking me anymore,
Why can't I tell him that I'm in love with him,
That I can't move on from him,
Without him, my light will be dim,

That every day he makes me smile,
He makes my heartbeat run miles,
That his hugs make me warm inside,
Do butterflies really break your heart?
Even if they did...,
I can't help but feel them,
I want to cherish the memories before...,
Before he leaves me,
Even if he uses me,
Even if he plays around with my feelings,
I wouldn't mind it...because,
Because I'm blind for him,

I'm stuck here in this wall between me and him,
Between being his best friend or his lover,
Maybe my brother was right,
Or maybe he isn't,
I won't know till he shows his true colors,
But...I'm scared for that to happen,
What if he never wanted to have anything with me?
Not even as friends..,
Or he only sees me as a friend,

I don't even know what I feel anymore,
I keep a mask in front of him,
Hiding the butterflies away,
Hiding the selfishness,
The selfishness of wanting him next to me for a bit longer,
Wanting his hugs when I'm down,
Wanting him to tell me not to drown,
Drown in the living nightmare that I'm found to be right now,
Wishing that he will allow me to be his,
But I know that it will never happen,

It's better if I stay blind for you,
After all, You won't know about my butterflies till its too late,