My Life With My True Feelings

Missing A Sister From Heaven

I don't want to see you,
Nor I want to feel you,
Please let me seal my wounds,
Let this weight lower the pounds,
Pounds of pain and sorrow,
You've only borrowed me,
You never left me be,
My angel wings are gone,
Yet you keep on living on,
With no regrets of what you did to me,
You only lead me to my own prison,
I had lost my reasons,
My reasons to keep on living,
After all, you took my dearest sister,
She may not have my own blood and flesh,
But she was and I till this day I still consider her my sister,
You the mister,
The mister who cold-bloodedly took her youth and last breathe away from her,
She didn't deserve it,
And all I could do is cry like a fearful child,
A small girl who was afraid of accepting that her once alive friend is in the heavens with the angels,
Which she knows her friend will be there,
But this little girl won't be,
Instead, she will burn in hell for being a horrible human,
A horrible sister, friend, and daughter,
For not saving a true pure angel from her death,
Yet she's a human who wants to end the suffering,
But its too afraid to do so,
Maybe one day she will,
Maybe in a few years,
But till then she will spill her tears,
And letting her fears conquer her,
She whimpers in her room every night,
Losing her light,
She keeps on fighting to maintain that bright light she has left,
But every day it gets darker and darker,
She's slowly drowning into the depths of her toxic ocean,
Every night same dream,
The same gasp of air and rivers fall down her face,
I miss you, sis,
And always will,
I'm sorry if I break the pinky promise that which,
We made for so long,
But I hope I keep the promise....maybe I will,
Or maybe I will need to start...spilling a bit of blood,
Or maybe pray for God to forgive me and to please help me,
Help me fight this true demon in which hides in my mind,
I'm slowly turning blind,
Blind to everything and everyone,
Slowly not caring about myself once again,
Maybe see in pain and suffering alone,
Will give those who want to see me break,
Gain the enjoyment and satisfaction of it,
I will never forgive myself,
Not in a billion year,
I'm sorry, I know you would have wanted me to forgive myself and move on,
But I can no longer do that,
As everybody who knows about your death,
I'm the monster who needs to rot in hell,
Maybe I should end it,
Or maybe I should bite my tongue,
Cover me in lies,
Let the blinds of my room be down,
Having mental breakdowns every minute, every hour, every night,
But someday I will forgive myself,
But till then my dearest sister from heaven,
I will miss you till then,