Why am I here? (Sequel to the meet-up!)

⟟'⋔ ⏃⋏ ⟟⋏⏁⍀⍜⎐⟒⍀⏁ ⏃⋏⎅ ⏁⊑⟒⍀⟒ ⏃⍀⟒ ⌿⟒⍜⌿⌰⟒ ⟟⋏ ⋔⊬ ⊑⍜⎍⌇⟒... ⏃⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑⊑

Look at my puppy ^. That's all I want before you start this chapter. Just appreciate that little puppy

TW - Self harm, blood and ✨ P E R I O D S ✨ (because having a female body sucks and while I'm writing this I'm nervously waiting for my own week of torture to begin)

Also I feel like this is a really short chapter, so sorry about that. 

We watched the office until very late at night when I finally turned it off, as Tubbo had fallen asleep, his head leaning against my shoulder. I couldn't fall asleep though, as the bandages rubbed against my cuts, sending stinging pains through my legs. Sleep didn't seem like it would be coming anytime soon, but of course I was wrong. 

It seemed like I had just blinked, but next thing I know, I open my eyes to light seeping through the window, my legs still in pain, and slight cramps in my lower chest, along with a strange need to go to the bathroom. 

With a grunt, I stand up from the couch, pushing Tubbo off my shoulder and taking only a single step forward before stopping, my eyes wide and fear rushing through my body. Those weren't just normal cramps. 

"NOOOOOOOO" I whisper-yell, and run to the bathroom, grabbing my toiletry container and new clothes from my bag quickly before rushing and barricading myself in the bathroom. 

These pants and boxers were definitely ruined, so I didn't care as I threw them out, piling some toilet paper on them to hide them in the trash can. I cringed when I saw how much blood was on them but all I could do for now was change my clothes and try to prevent this from happening again. I was glad I didn't like those sweatpants.

I carefully pulled a pad from my toiletries bag, cringing as the crinkly paper threatened to wake Tubbo. And I hadn't even opened it yet. 

Knowing there was nothing I could do to quiet the noise, I just pulled at it, crying inwardly at the amount of noise this small package proved it could make. 

But finally the package was opened and I ripped the pad off it, taping it to my new boxers and wiping away as much off the blood as I could before pulling up the boxer and washing my hands, silently cursing at the gods who decided that people with female bodies should suffer with this. I let out a little whimper as I stood up straight and the cramps suddenly got worse, small strikes of pain rushing through my stomach. 

Fucking uterus. I didn't need this. I don't ever plan on having children, so why the fuck did I need this thing?

Clutching my chest and my toiletry bag, I left the bathroom, shuffling back over to my suitcase, putting away the toiletry bag before collapsing down on the couch next to it, curling into a fetal position, scrolling through twitter as I pretending my uterus didn't exist. 

Tubbo woke up maybe an hour later, walking into my room with his hair a mess and plastered to the right side of his face and his brown eyes looking around in pure tired confusion. 

"What time is it?" He asked me, whispering quietly enough that I couldn't hear him. 

Finally checking the time, I nearly fucking cried. Of course it was 5 am. Why wouldn't it be?

"Too early. Go back to bed" I told him, my sentence interrupted by a whimper of pain as I curled up tighter. Did I bring a heating bag? Knowing me, probably not. 

He seemed concerned when I whimpered, his eyes getting less sleepy as he walked over to me, crouching next to the couch. 

"You good boo?" He asked me and I shook my head, my eye meeting his. 

"No. Can I throw myself off a bridge?" I asked him and he sighed, before shaking his head at me. 

"Aww. Why not?" 

"Because that would kill you. Now what's wrong?" 

"I'm in pain" I mumbled and he sighed again, obviously tired of my bullshit. 

"Ok, now where is the pain?"

"Honestly everywhere, but mostly in my stomach" It seemed to hit him when I said that. 

"Are you on your period?" 

"Sadly"

"OH" He stood up, and looked like he was questioning his life for a minute before saying "I'm going to go grab you chocolate" and then he ran towards the kitchen, grabbing his phone and nearly dropping it at the same time. 

Personally I didn't really want chocolate at the moment, but seeing how strange he was acting was funny and I giggled slightly before whimpering again. I fucking hate my body. 

Tubbo returned soon with some chocolate and... 

"OMG you're an angel" I say and take the heating pad from him, pushing the warm beanbag thing to my lower stomach before taking the aspirin he had also brought, gulping it down with the cup of water he had also brought. I had no clue how he had brought so many things, but he sat down next to me as I sat up, and he offered the chocolate to me like I was a vicious animal, seeming scared to do anything wrong. 

I wonder how his sister's periods went if he acts like this. 

I take the chocolate and thank him, which calms him down. 

"We're supposed to do a stream with Techno and Wil today, are you up for that?" He asked me and I took a small bite of the chocolate. Should I go? I was in a lot of pain, but I was expected to go on the stream and I didn't want to let anyone down. 

"I can go" I say after a minute, swallowing the chocolate before answering. He smiles and nods, looking down at his phone and starting to type a message before I stop him.

"Tubbo its 5 am. Text them at like 8, when they might be awake"

"oh I forgot how early it was" He grabbed the chocolate bar in my hands, snapping it in half before starting to eat his half. 

I make a high-pitched offended noise at him stealing my chocolate and he laughs at that, taking a bigger bite of his half. 

This would have been nice if it wasn't for the cramps and the blood, but I would have to ignore that. I had things to do, and I couldn't let this stop me.