Crossing Borders

4

Angelica Tolentino

Sometimes I do hate being me. I mean, what's to be proud of myself? I'm a college drop-out. I'm not the brightest in class. I'm not good at communicating. Bullied. An outcast.

The food I make are not even unique.

I tried to shift my life from what I'm used to and become a different version of myself but I always find myself coming back to the old me. I always find myself becoming comfortable with being silent, peaceful and calm.

Siguro it was also because of the privileges I had while growing up. I was never pressured to become the brightest, the loudest, or the virtuoso. They have never criticized my existence for being different.

They only made sure I have enough love while growing up. They made sure I have enough support to overcome the obstacles I face in my life. Kung wala sila, I might not be where I am right now. If its not for them, I could have been burned to ashes or burried six feet under the ground a long time ago.

It takes a lot of guts to continue breathing.

"So how was El Botellón? How was your transition from being a probinsyana to a city girl huh? Mahirap ba?" I looked at the girl in front of me who claimed was my classmate in highschool.

I tried to remember if we ever had that kind of relationship back then for her to invite me so casually. Pero ang tangi ko lang naaalala ay ang ginawa niyang pang ba-back stab sa akin.

"Oo nga! Did you meet with Senator Aguillar's son ba?" Another voice chimed in. It was Susan Fuentes. The girl who started the rumor about me having an indecent affair with our robotics teacher.

I wonder how this people get to act so friendly with me after making me feel like an absolute shit back in highschool.

"It was okay. I even saw your husband there." I looked at Joan, the backstabber. "Picking up my 20 years old classmate with his black high lander."

Joan married early. Alam ko ito dahil talk of the town ang kasal niya kay vice mayor Albert Diaz, a man 40 years older than her.

I saw how her body stopped moving. The fake smile on her face dropped and the fake affection on her eyes became a dangerous glare.

"What are you trying to say?"

I shrugged and picked up my tea cup from the table. I looked out the window and sipped my tea.

"You rude bitch! Look at me!" I heard her scream after her mahogany chair kissed the floor.

"What do you want me to say, Joan? That it was just a joke? a prank? Well, I'm sorry to break it to you, but it's true. Kung ayaw mong maniwala nasa iyo naman iyan."

Hindi ko alam kung saan ko hinugot ang lakas ng loob kong magsalita ng ganito sa babaeng ito. Maybe because I feel trapped from their menacing presence. And all I can do is fight back to be freed. 

I spent six years of misery because of their venomous mouths.

"I can't believe you! Abnormal ka pa rin hanggang ngayon. Magkapamilya nga kayo ng kuya mo. Pareho kayong may sira ang utak. Baliw!" Ang gigil niyang pang-iinsulto sa akin bago nag-walk out.