Crossing Borders

10

Angelica Tolentino

Have you ever experienced something so heavenly yet so regretful? Like a forbidden apple, you have just tasted.

All the rationality, logical thinking, and morale have been thrown out of the window as soon as my brother's firm and wet lips are on mine. His fingers on my back moved up to my exposed skin sending me waves of unfamiliar euphoria. Napakapit ako ng mahigpit sa damit niya at hinayaan siyang igaya ako.

I have never kissed anyone before so I don't know if I'm doing anything right. A lewd sound escaped from my mouth when he sucked my bottom lip. My vision's getting blurry and my mind's going hazy. I pressed my body against him as he pushed his warm tongue inside my mouth, giving me a taste of the liquor he had consumed before.

Mula sa kanyang damit ay napayakap ang mga braso ko leeg niya. I felt my body fall on the soft surface of the sofa as kuya continued to devour and explore my mouth with his skillful tongue. I kissed him back with the same intensity he was providing me. I tried to fight for dominance but I always end up receiving the unmatched heaven his sinful mouth has been giving me through his kisses.

I always imagined my first kiss as sweet and romantic never this scorching hot, rough, and sexy.

His mouth went down to my jaw, pouring it with small kisses until it reached my neck. Napasabunot ang mga kamay ko malambot na buhok ni kuya nang dilaan niya ang leeg ko. I threw my head back in ecstasy. It gave kuya more access to my neck. He kissed and suck every skin his lips planted on.

"Kuya," I moaned when his fingers slid to my thighs.

"Fckng sexy," he whispered huskily as he gave the small space between my breasts a long, hot lick.

If we ever do something passed kissing I don't think I still have the capability to say no. Unti-unti na akong tinutupok ng apoy. Alam kong nahihibang na ako pero hindi ko na kaya pang bumalik. I know I'm slowly getting addicted. 

My eyes opened when his aggressive kiss turned slow and lazy. His body on top of mine became heavier. I froze when he stopped kissing me and his huge body completely drop on top of me. He snuggled close to my body and sighed.

Waves of guilt and regret immediately trampled my weakened desire. Napatakip ako ng mukha at mabilis na pinunasan ang kumawalang luha.

How could I... how could I do this to my drunk, my brother? How could I do this to myself? To my family? I'm crazy!

Buong lalas kong tinanggal ang sarili mula sa pwesto ko at inayos ang pagkakahiga ni kuya. Nilinisan ko muna siya bago ko tinawag si kuya Gibo para magpasundo.

It's too dangerous to be in the same room with him now.

"Anak, sigurado ka ba diyan sa desisyon mo? Ba't naman pabigla-bigla?" Ang nag-aalalang tanong ni mama habang nakatingin sa maleta ko.

I had a hard time meeting her eyes. I still feel guilty for doing what I did three days ago. Hindi kami nagkausap ni kuya pagkatapos n'on dahil hindi din naman kami nagkita. It's not unusual for us to not meet because it has been like this since I came back home.

And I'm thankful for that. It gave me the space that I needed for me think about all the madness I've made. Alam ko sa sarili kong wala akong mukhang maihaharap sa kanya 'pag nagkataon.