𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑, 𝐭𝐱𝐭

VLIVE: let's chat - mia

january, 2021
mentions of loss.

Mia sat back in her usual live spot, hands hidden by her sweater paws as she nervously played with the hems of the grey material. a small smile appeared on her face as she watched the viewer count quickly grow.

"hi, MOA~" she began, her voice quiet, as if she was holding tears back. the girl quickly cleared her throat, trying to act as if nothing was wrong.

she was betraying herself — everything was wrong, as a matter of fact. she needed to get multiple things off her chest, so she'd decided on having her first heart-to-heart conversation with her beloved MOA, knowing some had been MØØNS long before.

"i'll wait for a few more people to come in and then we'll start, okay?"

a few seconds of silence passed, the girl taking in a deep breath before bracing herself to start her conversation.

"today's live will be a lot different than the ones i've done before.. it might be a little awkward," she paused to chuckle, "but i think it'll be good for us,"

her eyes quickly scanned the comments begging to know what was wrong, blurring for a split second before blinking the tears away. Misaki picked up her personal phone, JiSu having handed it to her just before the live had begun from behind the camera. he and Ara sat behind the desk Mia sat at, having been told what the live was gonna be about the day before.

the girl clicked on her photos app, clicking on her favourite picture of CØSMIC. she faced the screen towards the live, "do you guys know who they are?"

the comments were sunken in various replies of yes, this being her cue to continue. "in case you don't know, this was my first group, CØSMIC,"

her voice threatened to crack — it was the first time she'd verbally mentioned the group. of course, the company had allowed her to post them on the anniversaries of their passing, but she'd never had enough will power to personally speak of the group she loved so dearly.

she pointed to herself in the picture, "that's me.. i look so young, don't i?" she began, then moving her finger to point at SooJin. "that's SooJin 언니," she moved her finger again, "that's YeoJin 언니, she was the eldest," and again, "that's TaeHee.. she was the maknae," and one last time, "and that's Bomi,"

her voice finally cracked once she got to mentioning her best friend. she softly smiled as she turned the screen towards her, looking at the girls she loved so dearly. she sniffled, returning her gaze to the people who gave her the love she never imagined she'd receive.

"i was the leader of this group, even though i was the middle child.." a soft smile adorned her face. "MØØNS who were able to watch our content right when it was being released before debut know how fun they were," she paused again, "i've never talked about them to MOA.. i'm sorry,"

comments dismissing her unnecessary apology suddenly took over the comments, the flying words causing the girl to giggle.

"the boys.. remind me so much of them, even now. when i'm awake late at night, thinking of them and wondering how they would've turned out if they'd gotten to live a while longer.. i just look at the boys, and they're my answer.