Water Or Wine

Chapter 9

Sprite and I choose to have breakfast in our room this morning. Away from everyone else so we can have a private conversation. "Do anything interesting in Korea?" I ask Sprite as I cut into my pancakes, I stab a piece with my fork and bring it up to my mouth, "not a lot, honestly I've been trying to see if I can hold my illusions for a long time."

I stop what I'm doing and look over at her, Sprite it looking down at her food innocently "why would you want to do that?" I press gently before going back to my own plate. "Because." She says matter-of-factly "I want to be able to be an adult, like you guys." I frown and she sighs, setting down her cutlery and sits back in her chair.

"You don't get it." She says staring at me intensely "you get to fall in love, do normal adult things and I can't have it." I shake my head also setting my cutlery down "where is this coming from Sprite? I've never once heard you mention it?" She snorts and rolls her eyes. "And why would you? Noelle, you have had to great loves in your life. Druig and Alice. I haven't had anyone."

The second name jolts something in me and I have to close my eyes and count to ten before replying "so, you are trying to find a way to make your illusions permanent?" Sprite shrugs not looking me in the eye. "Maybe." She admits "maybe I just want to be like the rest of you." I shift in my chair, placing my hands on top of the table "if you were meant to be like us, you would have been created you so." I say.

Sprite scoffs and rolls her eyes "like you actually believe that, you are the biggest questioner of our lives." I shake my head, looking away. Gently I explain "not when it comes to the way I was made. I know was for a reason." I look back at Sprite who narrows her eyes at me "that's not I remember you thinking about Alice but I guess it's different for you right? It always is."

At that I stand up and slam my hand on the table angrily. Sprite flinches. "Don't you mention her name again." I say through gritted teeth "you are not allowed." Sprite stands up, fire in her eyes. She cocks her head "why? Because you think you are the only one who has experienced that kind of heart break?" She spits "well news flash Noelle, we all have lived as long as you. Your experiences are not unique but I want to know what it feels like to have that heat break."

I stand up straight and smooth my trouser legs "do what you want Sprite." I say cooly "you always have, nothing will stop you now." I look down at her and lean over the table "but if you ever mention her name again I will kill you." This makes Sprite hesitate and I make for the door. I open it and pause "I want you gone before I come back." I order before waking out and slamming the door behind me.

Angrily I stomp to the lab where Bucky is getting his treatment. He is sitting on a hospital bed when I charge in. "Noelle." He says, eye widening at the sight of me, I ignore how the scientists seem to give me a wide berth "are you ok?" He asks. I clench and unclench my fists "I think you are ready to start practicing fighting again." I say calmly "if you want to." I add quickly.

Bucky hesitates for a moment before shrugging "if you want us to. I don't want to hurt you." I shake my head and step forward "you can't hurt me, I have thousands of years on you. Meet me in the training room when you are done." I don't give him a chance to change his mind and leave.

-

I swing at Bucky, trying to keep the images out.

Tangled in Alice's satin sheets, giggling like little girls. My head resting on her chest, listening to her heart beat. So human.

I hit him again, this time in the side.

Dress shopping together on a misty day in London. We get mistaken for best friends. How could we be anything else, as women in 1745?

Bucky tries to knock me off balance without much success.

We are at a ball and we sneak off into the gardens. It starts raining and we share a kiss. Two kisses. Three.

"Noelle?" Bucky says panting, moving away from my punch "Noelle I think we should stop,"

She tells me she is to marry Lord James Buchanan in the fall. My heart is broken.

My vision is blurry but I can still make out Bucky's figure.

I am standing. Watching her walk down the aisle to her husband. She looks radiant. Beautiful. A goddess in mortal skin.

I can feel my hands shaking. Or maybe it's my whole body.

She gives birth to a boy. Thomas. Then a girl. Abigail. Then twins, two boys. John and Richard.

It's definitely my whole body.

She dies giving birth to her 5th child. A still born girl. She was only 33 years old

I have stopped fighting.

I go to her funeral. Sprite is there, comforting me but I am inconsolable.

"Ssshhh." I hear someone say as they rub my back soothingly. I am on the floor now, tears streaming down my face. "It's ok Noelle." T'Challa says. I lean over, hands covering my face and I hear someone say "my king, you need to step back."

Okoye. I can feel my power raging up inside me, nothing can be done to tamper it. I hear footsteps face behind me. I look up and let out a scream so loud and powerful that it rumbles the entire palace. While my power shakes the city.

Alice was one of the two people I have ever loved the entire time I have lived on this planet. I bargained my life for hers. Praying even though there was no such thing as a God, just for a chance for her to come back. The pain I felt when she died would have killed
Me if I wasn't practically immortal.

I had stuffed those feelings down, put them into the deepest part of my mind to never be opened again. Sprite ripped that wound open and I have a feeling I won't be able to shove it back down this time.