I sat in front of Atlas. They already served foods, hindi ko lang ginagalaw dahil nawalan ako ng gana.
Nagde-kwatro si Atlas habang sinisipsip ang white wine at nakatingin sa akin. He tilted his head and raised an eyebrow towards me.
"You chose the most expensive main dish yet you're not even eating it," he said.
Matalim ko siyang tinignan. He pursed his lips and continued sipping his wine. Umirap ako. I want to clear my mind but I choose to spend the dinner with Atlas. Clearly, a bad idea.
Humalukipkip ako. "You're Hugo's cousin, right?"
He nodded. "Second cousin."
Yeah, whatever.
"How come your family's not bothered by the issue?"
Ngumuso siya at ibinaba ang wine. "Well, first of all, my family is modest and introverted."
"Liar. I know your brother's issues."
He shrugged. "Hindi masama ang kaunting atensyon."
"We stay away from issues. But mind you, we are a lot more bothered than you think," he continued.
I rolled my eyes.
I can't help but to overthink. I know it's possible. Mom might be right. His family might leave the country and he may, too. Pero paano ako? I mean... At this point I don't think Hugo will still think of me, ofcourse. His first priority always has to be his family.
I sighed and started eating.
Atlas was observing me quietly. He will pay for the dinner so I ordered a bunch of wines, ginaya ko siya. I finished my food so he won't feel bad. Naubos namin ang isa at kalahating bote ng wine. My cheek felt hot after a while.
He chuckled. "You're drunk."
"I'm not."
Because I'm not.
"Tipsy?"
Tumango ako. "I need to go home."
"Sure, let me just-"
"To Hugo..." I continued and burped.
Nagkatinginan kami. I covered my mouth and giggled.
Gumuhit ang ngisi sa labi niya. "To Hugo."
He paid for our food while I waited. Mabilis din naman siyang nakabalik.
I stared at the empty wine on our table. I drank a lot and I don't feel good about it. Umiling iling ako at ramdam ko ang pagkahilo. I am tipsy.
Atlas held my waist and led me until we reached the parking lot. Tinaboy ko ang kamay niya at sumandal sa kotse niya. Hinawakan ko ang ulo ko at tumingin kay Atlas. He's just watching me, nakatabingi ang ulo at nakakunot ng kaunti ang noo niya.
"Kaya pa?" he teased.
Umiling ako.
Sumandal siya, katabi ko. We both looked at the dark starry clouds together. Mabagal ang pagpikit ko, nagsisimula nang antukin dahil siguro sa ininom ko. I'm sure Hugo's not home. I can't let him see me drunk.
"What should I do?"
Atlas looked at me with confused brows. "What do you mean?"
Suminghot ako. "What if Hugo really leaves? It's his family over me, of course. But what about me?"
Umirap ako. Bakit ko nga ba ito tatanungin? He'd like it if Hugo leaves. Wala naman siyang pakialam doon.
"It shouldn't be like that," he murmured.
Narinig ko iyon. Tumaas ang kilay ko. "What?"
"Family over you. It's never a competition, Nikki. It shouldn't be like that." sabi niya. "But I'm sure Hugo's doesn't take it like that at all."
Sure...
"But there's a chance, right? That he'd leave. That he'd marry someone for their family's reputation."
Hindi siya nagsalita ng ilang segundo. Bumagsak ang balikat ko.
He shifted on his stand after a while. "There's a chance, yes... But there's also a reason why he shouldn't. But still, don't hope. Business world is back-breaking and messy, Nichoella. Kakapit ka talaga sa patalim. You should still expect the worst."
He is right.
Expectation hurts. All expectations are illusions made by us. They are what we desire or what we want someone to do for us. Being pessimistic is being realistic. I believe that it is never wrong. I believe that expecting the worst will save ourselves from pain and disappointment.
I smiled and nodded. Tinulak ko ang sarili ko paalis sa sasakyan niya.
From where I stood, I saw Hugo. Para akong namalikmata at natigil. I thought I was dreaming until I stared at him longer. He stared at me, cold. Tumingin siya sa kasama ko.
I was about to step forward and run to him when he left. Nakapamulsa siyang naglakad palayo. Bumagsak ang balikat ko at gumuhit ang kulubot sa noo.
He definitely saw us.
I arrived at Hugo's place after Atlas dropped me off. Hindi na ako nakapagpasalamat ng maayos dahil masakit na ang ulo ko at kailangan ko nang magpahinga. I was also trying to make my shower quick thinking that Hugo would come home, finally. Ngunit hindi iyon ang nangyari pagkadating ko sa condo.
I ran to the restroom to throw up. Halos yakapin ko ang inidoro, pakiramdam ko pa'y nailabas ko na lahat ng sama ng loob ko. I wiped my mouth after throwing up almost all of my intestines.
I crawled to get my phone inside my purse, nahulog ko iyon kanina. Pikit mata kong di-nial ang numero ni Hugo.
He answered it after a while of ringing.
I burped. Iyon kaagad ang bungad ko. I laughed crazily or drunkenly.
"Hello?"
Some girly voice answered. Napawi ang tawa ko. I cleared my throat. I must be drunk. Kung ano ano ang naririnig ko.
I smiled while still closing my eyes. "Hugo? When are you coming home..."
"Uhm... this is?"
Kumunot ang noo ko. I checked my phone, trying to see if I dialled Hugo's number. It clearly said Hugo on my screen.
"Is this..." I burped. "-oops. Is this Hugo's phone?"
"Yes," a girl's voice said. "And you are?"
Dumilat ako habang nakasandal sa malamig na dingding ng restroom. The toilet is in front of me, almost teasing me to throw up again.
"Nichoella."
A silent pause.
"Sorry, can I call you back?"
"Where is he?" malamig ang boses ko.
I may be drunk but I am sure I am hearing a woman's voice behind the call, on Hugo's number, on Hugo's phone. I gritted my teeth.
"Who is it, Jas?"
I was frozen.
Nanginig ang kamay ko.
"Oh, uhm, wrong dial, I guess?" she laughed awkwardly.
I hung up.
Pinatay ko ang cellphone ko at tumitig sa malamig na sahig.
