Isang oras akong nakatitig sa computer screen ko sa kwarto. I looked at the two pregnancy tests I took this morning and it was all positive. Sinugurado ko iyon sa huling pagkakataon.
I was devastated for a week now. Hindi ako makakain, hindi ako makatulog. I felt like I was depressed but I don't want to think about it. Wala akong buhay sa isang linggo. I didn't know how I survived.
Mom thought I was going to school but I was just spending my time alone… somewhere. Hindi ako makapasok. Even my friends were contacting me, asking if I was fine because I couldn't show up for practices, too.
"Wala pa naman tayong gig kaya ayos lang…" Alonna sighed. "Are you sick?"
Umiling ako habang nakatingin sa dagat na nasa harapan ko. I am thirsty. I slept all day. I've been looking for a specific fruit I'm craving. Lansones. Pero wala akong makita.
"Uhm, yeah. I'll make it up to you, guys, soon."
"Okay. Get well soon, Niks."
Pinatay ko ang tawag.
Sakto ay may dumating na sasakyan sa pinagparadahan ko ng kotse ko. I almost rolled my eyes when I saw Atlas' car beside mine. Tumayo ako at kinuha ang jacket na nakasalampak sa buhangin. It's all covered with sand now.
He approached me. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa supot na dala niya. May laman iyong mangga.
Matalim ko siyang tinignan. "How did you find me?"
For days, Atlas has been nagging me. Hindi ko alam kung naaawa siya sa akin o wala lang talaga siyang magawa.
He raised his hands. "Mangoes?"
Humalukipkip ako. "Can you be honest to me, Atlas?"
He raised both of his eyebrows.
"Naaawa ka ba sa akin?"
He paused for a while. Maya maya'y lumabas ang ngisi niya sa labi. Umirap ako. He's the only one who knows about my situation right now. Unfortunately.
"Well, Nichoella, if we ever get married—"
"Hindi ka pa tapos d'yan? Do you still want us married when I'm pregnant with another man's child?"
He shrugged. "I'd be a great Dad, Nichoella."
I pursed my lips, stopped myself from laughing. Umiukit ang ngisi sa labi niya. We both burst out laughing.
Masyado akong natuwa sa pagtawa hanggang ang aking tawa ay naging iyak.
His laugh faded. Kita ko ang gulat at taka sa mata niya habang pinapanood akong biglaang umiyak. Are these pregnancy hormones? I can't believe I have pregnancy hormones!
"I can't do this, Atlas. I can't…" I panicked. "My parents will kill me. Papalayasin ako. Walang may gugusto sa akin! I don't have enough money. My band is… my band is so important to me. I can't play when I'm pregnant. What if maalis ako? I don't know what to do!"
Bumuntong hininga siya at hinawakan ang balikat ko. "I am on your side whether you decide to keep it or not, Nichoella."
Humagulgol ako. "I will keep it, Atlas. I'm just… I'm scared of everything."
He nodded. "Why don't you tell him?"
Tell him.
I gritted my teeth while staring at the computer. I have no idea how to reach him except his email. Desperada na ako. I mean, at this point, I don't care if he decided to come home and deal with me. I just want him to know about his child.
