Mr. Hugo Cairo Theron Carvajal,
It's already humiliating talking to you this way. But I don't have a choice. I don't have any plans to discuss anything about your departure and abandonment. I don't care about any of your reasons. I just don't care about it now.
I am sending you this message for you to know that I am four weeks pregnant.
I don't mean to scare you or blackmail you. At this point, I just want you to know about my child. Yes, Hugo, I decide to keep my child. You don't have to be there. I don't need you here. I believe that I can do this alone. And I insist.
If you ever receive this message and show up. It's up to you. Either way, I will not force any relationship with you.
Nichoella
I wiped my tears and pressed send.
Hinalikan ko ang kamay ko habang nakatitig sa screen. I closed my eyes.
Lumabas ako sa kwarto ni Alonna habang mugto ang mata. I saw her waiting for me outside. She ran and hug me when she saw me. Tulala ako habang umiiyak sa balikat niya. I told her about it. Ilang araw na siyang umiiyak kasama ako mula nang malaman niya.
"Did you do it?"
I nodded. "I'm giving him a choice, right? What if he thinks I'm blackmailing him?"
"Of course not. You're not blackmailing him!" she looked at me. "You're doing the right thing, Nichoella. Don't worry."
Alonna was supportive of me. Hiyang hiya na din ako kay Atlas na laging nasa likod ko sa ganitong sitwasyon. And he's busy, too. He's doing some things about Atasha and I don't want to meddle.
"Where are your parents, Miss Dela Rea?"
Nagkatinginan kami ni Alonna. We drove to Puerto Alcala just to get another check up. Wala akong balak magpatingin sa El Vicente. My mother has a lot of connections from doctors and OB's in El Vicente. Delikado na.
"At home."
She gave me a suspicious stare before continuing.
Alonna asked me once about telling my parents about my pregnancy. I couldn't answer her. Hindi naman na siya nagtanong tungkol doon pero alam kong sa likod ng mga tingin niya'y gusto niya ding sabihin ko na sa kanila.
I will tell them. But not right now. Not yet.
Kumunot ang noo ni Mom habang nakatingin sa akin. "You're getting fatter, Nichoella. Goodness. I told you to go to gym last time, right?"
Nilayo ko ang sarili ko sa kare-kareng nasa lamesa. Staring at it makes me want to puke. Nagtiis ako sa soup na wala namang kalasa-lasa.
"I will, Mom."
"What's your weight this month, anyway?" hindi pa din maalis ang tingin niya. "Why don't you try fasting? Gosh, we can't let you get fat, Nichoella."
"Give her a break, Carla."
"What, Hernan? She performs and models for her band, anyway. She should be thin and sexy!"
I sighed and stood up.
"I'm full."
"See? Hindi na niya inubos," sabi ni Dad kasabay ng mga sunod sunod na bala ni Mommy.
Tumakbo ako sa kwarto para magsuka doon. Maselan ang pagbubuntis ko. Mas marami ang ayaw kong maamoy at kainin kaysa sa mga cravings ko.
I am staying at Hugo's condo. Yes, I know it's stupid but I really like to believe that I own this now. I only go home everytime my mother asks me too or everytime I crave for homecook foods.
