Ineffable Euphoria

Kabanata 16

[TRIGGER WARNIG: Violence, Suicide, Death]

— If you've recently faced distressing events and are aware that your mind is somewhat clouded by negative emotions, please... I recommend that you skip the next four or five chapters. It's for your own betterment. But I must remind you that, despite everything that is happening in your life, everything will be fine. You are loved, ily. <3

Pahabol. You are free to message me anytime. :)

Kabanata 16...
Nightmare

People always says that the world is round. You won't be always on the bottom, eventually—as they say—you'll reach the top. But why does it seem that the one's on top remains on top, while others on the bottom are being shoved further to the bottom?

Others might probably think I have no place to even bother thinking this, as I lived in privilege, but I do think- it's the truth.

Nang mamulat ako sa mga tingin ng mga taong nakapaligid sa'min, madalas kong nang marinig ang salitang "karma".

I always wonder then, why does they wanted it so bad to hit our family when all we've done is serve this town for the better, for them? —at least that was before.

Lagi akong binabagabag noon na baka isang araw, tamaan nga kami ng karma dahil sa rami ng taong humihiling noon. God might favor what the many wants, I remember myself getting anxious about it.

Eventually though, nagising na lamang ako, at hindi na muling sumagi sa isip ko 'yon dahil sa taon-taong dumadaan, tila hindi naman natutupad ang mumunting hiling nila. Besides, I believed in my father at the time, as well as many other people aside from those.

Ngayon, I don't think God's still oblivious to their prayers.

Hindi na ako nagulat nang humampas ang tatlong piraso ng folder sa lamesa na naglalaman ng mga reports ng kan'yang sekretarya tungkol sa maraming kung ano-anong problema, idagdag pa ang kumalat na namang pictures ni Mommy.

Ang kaninang deretsang tingin ko ay bumaba at tiningnan ang mga nagkalat na litrato sa sahig.

Marami iyon, iba-iba ang anggulo. Hindi katulad ng naunang eskandalo ni Mommy, kitang-kita na ang muka n'ya rito.

This is probably what they were arguing about last night. I'm curious what made my father so agitated again.

Another scandal? Bad publicity?

"This will pass..."

"But it won't be forgotten!" Daddy's exasperated voice echoed around the room, probably outside too.

Ipinatawag n'ya ako rito para ano, sa akin ibato ang galit n'ya?

"Napakaraming ginagawa para sa kampanya at nakuha pang makipaglandian ng magaling mong ina sa kan'yang kabit! 'Di bale sana kung may maganda s'yang naitutulong, pero wala! Ang tanging ginagawa lang n'ya ay sirain ang apelyido kong una pa lang ay hindi ko na dapat ipinaubaya!"

Sawang-sawa na 'ko marinig ang disgusto n'ya sa pagdating ko sa buhay n'ya.

I get it.

I was a mere mistake in his life that he now deeply regretted.

If he were more vocal, he'd probably exclaim that he wishes he could have pushed Mommy to abort me when I was still a fetus... and I wish so too. So, I wouldn't go through life feeling neglected and worthless.

Hindi ko na nasundan kung ilang oras ang naging litanya ni Daddy sa galit n'ya sa napakaraming bagay, bago kami tumulak para sa pagpupulong sa isang baranggay hindi gaanong kalayuan mula sa city hall.