Glee Oneshots

Dear Lucy Quinn

Dear Lucy Quinn Fabray
I'm sorry. I couldn't do it.

I was going to make up an excuse, but you deserve better than that. The truth is, I was scared. I've got so many things about love wrong, I don't think I can do it all again.

I thought Brittany was the one. Everyone did. And in high school, she was. But once we were in the real world, we realised that there were other people. And we argued a lot.

She got angry one night. And we were both kind of drunk, and said some things. Things that we couldn't take back. It fucking hurt. She hated me. The next morning was even worse, when we both knew it was over. We had been married for less than a year, and we were done.

I was going to call you. I swear I was. But you seem like you have your life together, and I hate being a burden on you. I did it enough in high school.

Yet I was never there for you. Just when you needed someone, I didn't help you. I didn't even listen. It's something I regret to this day.

But you will be better off without me. I'm not a good person to be around. Especially not now, when I'm angry and heartbroken. You'll just end up getting hurt. And I don't want that.

And by the way, it's totally okay that you didn't come to any of the weddings. They all pretty much sucked. I forgot how many in jokes there were, and how everyone kind of secretly hates me. The only good ones were Sugars (all four of them) because she flew us out to different countries.

It was even worse after me and Brittany divorced. Everyone looked at me like my mom had just died. It didn't help that Brittany was there, with her new girlfriend. Her name is Carly, and she's exactly like Britt. So basically, the opposite of me.

It would have been better if you were there. Even if we didn't have sex (but it would have been totally awesome if we had), I could at least have had someone to talk to.

I miss you. So much.

I know that doesn't make sense. I could have literally come and met you. But I couldn't let myself.

The letter you wrote back to me was so sweet. It was definitely worth the wait. For the record, I'm sure my parents would be happy to have you as a child. Definitely better than my depressed ass.

I moved in with them for a while. Just until I could get back on my feet. Mami was actually really nice about it. She let me mope around the house for a few weeks, and helpfully hid all evidence of me and Brittany. One day we ended up looking at old photo albums, from before Brittany.

And you were in so many pictures. We were inseparable. My favourite one is a picture of us at the community swimming pool, in the centre of Lima Heights. I remember that day so clearly.

It was hot, almost too hot, and the concrete burned our feet with every step. We queued for ages to go on the big slide. It's closed down now, for being a health and safety hazard.

You were scared, and so was I (but it was a secret). We held hands tight, and waited until the lifeguard nodded. You sat down behind me, and wrapped your arms tightly around my waist. Then I pushed off, and we flew to the bottom.

I screamed the whole way down.
I loved it.

We were thirteen, nearly 14. You were staying over at my house almost every night, since it was the summer holidays and your parents were fighting all the time.

When I think of my life before Brittany, all I can think about is you. My best friend. Slash ex-lover.

One of my biggest regrets is not talking to you after we slept together. Because I know how fucking scary it is to realise that you like girls. I know you left before I woke up, but still. I should have stayed awake, and made sure you were okay.

The next time I saw you, it was the day of the proposal. And I figured that it wasn't the right time to bring up the subject of us having sex. We barely even spoke to each other.

Don't worry. I could tell that you didn't think it was a good idea. Your smiles and hugs might have fooled everyone else, but not me. I know you.

Anyways, what happened with your girlfriend? I know I have a cheek to ask, since I didn't meet up with you and basically ignored you, but seriously. What was her name? How did you meet? Do you miss her?

Are you back together?

It's been two months since I received that letter. I wasn't expecting a response. And when you wrote back, I smiled for the first time in ages.

Kurt and Blaine sent it to my Mami, and she gave it to me. I've not seen them in ages. I've barely seen anyone. I've made a new life.

I'm still Santana, but better. A lot better.

Now I live in New York again, but away from where I could meet anyone I know (for some reason, everyone who was in Glee has decided to move there). I have my own apartment, and a couple of jobs, waitressing and bartending at night. I'm studying Chemistry at NYU.

I remember you used to tease me, because I knew the whole periodic table by heart. I used to get so mad at you.

I have to say, California is the last place I expected the great Quinn Fabray to live. But you're not really Quinn Fabray. You're Lucy. My Lucy.

If you ever decide that I'm worthy of being your friend (it would be an honour) then please come and visit me. My address is 17 Woodend Avenue, and I'm on the fourth floor.

But if you don't, then that's okay. I don't deserve to see you, after I didn't show up. I wanted to. But I was worried I would say the wrong thing, or you would see that I was still a bitch.

And I was pretty fucked up in the head at that point, and Brittany was still the love of my life, even though she told me that she wanted a divorce, and she didn't love me, and I needed to move on.

Ouch. It hurt.

One day, Quinn, I'll take you to Central Park. We can get ice-cream, and you can tell me all about your life since we had sex. Because I've missed you.

I might even pay for one of those overpriced carriage rides, just so you can have that fairytale fantasy.

I really want you to write back. And if you do, then I'll put your letter with the other one you sent me. They're in my drawer beside my bedside table. On the nights when I couldn't sleep, and didn't want to be a person anymore, I would read the letter.

It was nice to know that someone liked me.

Other than my Mami, of course.

Or you can burn this letter, and curse the name Santana Lopez. I totally understand that. Whatever suits you best, I guess.

If you need someone to talk to, that's not me, I would highly recommend Kurt. He's the only person who still treated me like the old Santana Lopez. And he's stayed up all night with me several times, while I cry about Brittany.

He gave me your letter, along with a note (because I don't have anyones phone number). It just said 'give her a chance. please'.

I didn't. I'm sorry. But it wasn't you. It would have been dangerous for us to even attempt it, back then. The worst thing would have been for us to have sex again (which is what would have probably happened). And that would have led to you avoiding me, and I would have just been more depressed.

But I agree with you. I think we could maybe try us being friends. Again. What's to say that anything's changed since we were 13?

I can't imagine a world without you. I've tried living in one, and it was a dark place.

Please write back. I'm sorry again.

Your Tana xx