CLOSER || EDDIE MUNSON

Part 6

I had spent a good hour crying on the curb. It felt relieving. I didn't think about what just happened for the rest of my walk home. No confusion, no sadness, no anger. Just peace. It was a strange feeling to say the least. I didn't know if I hated it or if I really liked it. I hadn't felt this way in so long.
I mindlessly glanced around, not being able to register exactly what I was looking at. I felt like I wasn't here in the moment, just a body existing. I held on to that feeling. I wanted to stay like this forever, not thinking about anything. Just being.
Before I knew it I had reached my house. I snapped back into reality, noticing that mom's car was gone. It had to have been around 11:30 pm, where was she?
Oh well, at least she wouldn't have to see me like this. I took note of how I looked.
There was mud on my shoes and imprints of sticks and leaves on my knees. There was probably stuff in my hair as well. I really was a wreck.
I walked over to the door, unlocking it and almost tripping over the doorframe. I shut the door behind me and stumbled into my bedroom.
I didn't bother changing. I didn't have the energy. I then laid down onto my bed, staring at the ceiling tiles once again.

(Play Sparks by Coldplay now)

The feelings I had forgotten about slowly crept back into my mind.
I had kissed Eddie Munson. And I liked it.
But why?
Deep down I figured I knew why. I really care for him. Not enough to consider it a crush, but enough to be more than friendly.
I despised myself for it.
That's why I had lashed out at Eddie. I couldn't face reality. I couldn't face how I felt, so I blamed it on him.
Tears welled up in my eyes again.
I couldn't tell what hurt me the most, was it that I kissed him? Was it the fact that I ran away from him? Was it the fact that I couldn't bring myself to be upset with him?
Even after everything he had ever done to me, I couldn't say I've ever genuinely been upset with him. I've always been upset with myself, that I let it happen. It's always been me, not him.
I turned over to face the window. I curled up into a ball and held my hands to my chest.
This was all my fault.
I was the one that ran and I was the one that yelled at him.

'Get away from me you- you freak!'

I was so full of myself that I didn't realize what was actually happening.
Tears were falling down my face quicker, creating a wet spot on my pillow. I let out quiet sobs, hating myself for everything that had happened the past few days.

It started with him teasing me. I had wondered why it hurt more, but I was too blinded by myself to see it was because I cared about him. That was why I hadn't stopped myself when he got close to me in detention.
I saw it as him acting weird and arrogant, when really it was me. I didn't move because I didn't really want to. I blamed it on him though.
Then when I slapped him, I thought I was angry with him but that anger was directed inward. I was mad that I could see myself starting to care.

Then the party.

I kissed him because I wanted to. He didn't take advantage of me, I was just too stupid to see how I really felt.
The realization hit me like a train.
I turned over and buried my face into my pillow, sobbing much louder now.
How did I not see it?
And now I've hurt Eddie.
His tear stained face burnt itself into my memory.
I swore I could see the pain behind his glossy eyes. His mouth was slightly parted, like he wanted to say something but he didn't.
Because I was too busy yelling at him to notice.
I remembered the way he took careful steps towards me, as if he didn't want to break me. It was the first time I had seen Eddie vulnerable like that. It was the first time I had seen him truly hurt.
And it was because of me.
My voice played in my head on loop, the words I had said echoing. This time though, it felt like I was saying those things to myself. I was yelling at myself, calling myself a freak, saying I took advantage of him.
In a way, I felt like I had.
I took advantage of his emotions.
Eventually I was too drained emotionally to stay awake. I fell asleep feeling a tear drop on to my hand.

————————————————————

"Get away from me you- you freak!"

He didn't move after that. He stayed glued to the spot as I hurried down the stairs, feeling all of the tears I tried to hold back fall. I started hyperventilating, but I couldn't stay here.
I opened the front door to see Eddie standing there, exactly as I had seen him looking upstairs. This time, he spoke.

"Y/n. You're pathetic you know. You really thought-"

I slammed the door in his face, turning around to see everyone gone. I panicked. I then ran to the back door looking for a way out, opening it only to see Eddie again.

"-I would ever want you?
Psychotic Bitch."

I slammed the door again, running upstairs to hide in the guest bedroom.
His voice echoed through the house, becoming twisted and demented.

"You're just some hot catch who thinks everyone wants you."

I started crying, covering my ears and burying my head into my knees. I squeezed my eyes shut. The voice didn't get any quieter. In fact, it became louder. It felt as if it were in my head.
The voice no longer resembled Eddie's, but my own. There were multiple now, each screaming a different thing. I could hear a faint buildup of static in the background as I ran my hands through my hair.
The static become louder as I started screaming, begging it all to stop. It wasn't working.
I started kicking the bed as I screamed even louder. Then,

everything went quiet.

I stopped screaming. After a few moments of shock, I slowly opened my eyes.
I looked around, seeing the same empty house. I then felt a drip of warm liquid come from my head. I slowly brought my hands out of my hair and to where I could see them.

I was holding chunks of hair, hands covered in blood.

I screamed.

The voices came back even louder than they were before. I kept screaming and crying, accidentally banging my head on the headboard behind me.

——————————————————

My eyes opened to see that I was back in my room. The sun was glaring at me through the window. I stayed still for a moment, letting reality set in. I whispered to myself.

"It's okay y/n, it was just a bad dream."

I repeated it a few times before rolling over and sitting up. I looked at my hands just to be sure, and they were clean. No hair, no blood. I took a breath of relief before getting up.

This was going to be a fun weekend.

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR 300 READS! I appreciate all of you and hope you enjoy the rest :)