CLOSER || EDDIE MUNSON

Part 9

Eddie didn't say anything. He just stared.
I realized the situation I had just put myself in, pricks of anxiety started building up. I found myself speechless as well. We stayed like that for a moment before he spoke up.

"What-? Never mind just get inside it's pouring." He grabbed me by the shoulders and brought me in to the trailer.

I tried to stay on the mat in front of the door so I didn't get water everywhere. Eddie had walked down the hallway immediately so I decided to take a look around.
The place was messy but in a way that suited him. In the kitchen there were wrappers and snacks littered on various blue counters and tables. There were cups on shelves, like they were being shown off. In what I presumed was the living room, there were baseball caps shown off on the walls above the many lamps and reddish orange curtains. The flooring across the trailer was brown carpet with splotches of lighter brown. It didn't exactly fit Eddie, but in a way it made sense.
He came back and draped a brown towel over my shoulders before gesturing to the living room. I hesitated before sitting down on a brown couch in the corner. Eddie sat down on a chair across from me, seeming confused.
It made sense, I had just randomly shown up to his house crying.
He cleared his throat before speaking.

"So, uhm, why exactly are you here?"

He sounded like he was kind of upset. It scared me, this entire situation scared me honestly. I didn't register what I had been doing, and now that I was here I didn't know what to do.
I used the moment of silence to muster up all of the courage and confidence I had. This wouldn't be easy.

"I-"

I paused. I couldn't let myself think about this too hard or I would mess it up, I just had to let it spill out. That would be hard, I usually let anxiety force me to think. I couldn't let that happen this time though.
Eddie looked at me.

"I came to say sorry. For everything. I've been really shitty to you lately and I know we aren't exactly friends but I felt like I owed you an apology so I ran over and-" I said quickly.

I caught on to the fact I was rambling. I glanced at Eddie for a second, he was still silent. I took a deep breath.

"I don't know what came over me, but after everything that's happened recently I feel like I need to explain myself. People deserve to know that kind of thing."

I took another deep breath.

"I'm sorry for slapping you, and I'm sorry for-"

I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence, so I continued. I noticed Eddie look at the ground after I had paused though. He understood what I meant.

"I was upset at something else and it made me do those things without thinking. I'm still a bit upset, so I wasn't thinking rationally and ran over here in the pouring rain without realizing what I was doing. I'm sorry for that too."

I muttered, "You probably don't want to see me right now so..."

Eddie had no reaction. He simply stared. I looked at the ground, there was no way I could look at him after I had embarrassed myself like that.
We stayed in that uncomfortable silence for a moment before Eddie looked at the ground and took a deep breath.

"Y/n, it's- it's fine. You don't owe me an explanation. I mean, like you said we aren't exactly friends."

That kind of hurt. I felt tears build up in my eyes. I tried to blink them away so he wouldn't see me cry for a third time.

"It's cool though, uh I guess in a way I'm glad you showed up. You probably think I'm playing some sort of game again, but I was kind of thinking the same thing."

His voice was slightly shaky. He started playing with his rings before sighing.

"Listen, I, uhm, did some stuff wrong too. I was shitty and I should probably say I'm sorry too."

The awkwardness in the air was palpable. It felt strange to really have a conversation with Eddie.
I could feel his eyes on me now, I let out a quiet sniffle, hoping he didn't hear me.
I met his eyes, seeing a gentle tone behind them for once. It wasn't hurt this time, just raw tenderness.
I wanted to respond, but I couldn't think of anything else to say. I know originally I had wanted to be completely transparent but I didn't think I could bring myself to do it. It would be torture, but I'd rather have that than make things even worse. I had already showed up to his place unannounced.

(Play Falling In Love by Cigarettes after Sex now)

Eddie moved over to come sit next to me before speaking again.

"If you don't mind me asking, what made you so upset?"

He looked back at the ground.
I didn't know how to answer him. I couldn't just tell him everything. I had to make something up. I tried to respond quickly so he didn't catch on.

"I-" I paused.

"It's kind of like a personal thing. I'm upset with myself."

"Y/n, uh-, you don't have to say anything about it if you don't want to. I'd completely understand." Eddie's voice was sweet and soft.

"No it's not that, I just- don't know how to explain it." It was more of a half truth than a lie.

"Tell me about it. You kind of sound like me right now." He let out a soft chuckle.

It sounded genuine, like he was actually engaged in the conversation. Like he was really listening.

"Oh really?" I smiled, quickly glancing up to see him doing the same.

"Yeah. Things like that are difficult to understand myself, much less try to talk about it. To be honest, I'm still confused about the whole thing." He seemed honest.

It was like that night, a comfortable vulnerability. I smiled thinking about it.
I looked up at the same time as him, our eyes meeting in a stare. I didn't know what came over me, but something about that moment felt right. I spoke.

"Eddie I-"
"Y/n I-"

Both of our faces lit up with shock. We paused like that for a moment before I spoke.

"Eddie, I really, really care about you. I don't know what it is or when it started but it's been eating me alive. I've started wanting to spend all of my time with you and wanting to talk about nothing for hours, wanting to really know you. And it-"

Eddie suddenly pressed his lips against mine. He was gentle and slow, like he was full of pure adoration and love.
I kissed him back, bringing a hand to his jaw. I felt a warm tingly feeling spread through my chest. It felt safe and comforting.
Like coming home after being gone for too long.

Eventually, Eddie pulled away, but he stayed close, meeting my gaze. He paused, looking from my eyes to my lips and then back.

"God, y/n, I've been wanting that for so long."

I smiled, him returning it.

Then, he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me, my head buried into his chest. At first I was shocked, but almost immediately hugged back, melting into his arms.
I felt tears roll down my face, so happy but exhausted from what had just happened. I leaned into him, letting the tired overcome me. I couldn't help it, being in Eddie's arms like this made the rest of the world disappear. It felt real and safe.

Eventually, I drifted off to sleep, happier than I've ever been.