CLOSER || EDDIE MUNSON

Part 17

The days were becoming more difficult to go through. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, like there was so much time filled with so much hurt. I tried to neutralize everything but it never worked. I couldn't get over everything. I hated feeling that way every single day, like I was in an endless cycle.
Hearing bits and pieces of how Eddie was acting amplified it all. I tried to ignore it, but a lot of what was said stuck with me.

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'I've been really worried about him man. He's not acting like himself. He's not all revved up anymore.'

'He said he's okay but he's definitely not. He canceled Hellfire. You and I both know he'd rather die than cancel.'

'He's been missing a lot of school lately, and when he does he's always high off his ass.'

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I was really worried about him. I hardly even saw him at lunch anymore. I figured it was my overthinking but with his friends seeing it, I wasn't so sure. I figured I needed some time away from everything, maybe go out of town for a weekend.
Yeah, I just needed space.
I decided to talk to my mom about it when I got home.
By now I was in a place where I could function like I used to. I still had my racing thoughts but I learned how to put them aside when I needed to. It had been better, but shoving all of it down had made it that much harder. It was a weird balance, one I wasn't sure worked out in my favor. It was complex to say the least, but now was not the time to think about all of that.
I made my way down the hall to my first class of the day. Eddie didn't really show up anymore so I was very surprised when I saw him sitting with one of his friends. I tried to ignore it, as I had gotten good at that recently.
I sat down and grabbed a pencil from my bag, overhearing him say something.

"Yeah I've been uh, taking a lot of 'Special K' recently. Helps me forget about life." I heard him laugh, knowing it wasn't genuine.

I wiped a tear from my face and went back to what I had been doing. I would try my best to pretend he wasn't there. It would get rid of my racing thoughts and anxiety so it was probably a good idea anyway. Though it was very difficult.
Quite a few days had been like that. If I did see him I ignored him entirely, if not I would ignore my thoughts about him. Either way he would be out of my head until I got a moment to myself.
But it started to not be enough.
I really did need a weekend away from Hawkins. I didn't know where I would go though. I didn't have friends who didn't live here, maybe I could just stay a bit farther away?
I'd figure it out later. I just needed to get out of my head for a while.
The rest of class came and went, ending with me seeing the school exit doors swing open and what looked like Eddie walk around the corner, he seemed like he had tears in his eyes. I sighed to myself and walked towards the bathroom. Things had built up rather easily and I needed a moment to let them out.
I opened the door and immediately felt all the tears from today fall. I walked to a sink and gripped the white ceramic, knuckles turning the same shade.
I let out a few sobs, letting myself break down. I still had all of my regrets, and they were pretty much my only thought. I learned how to push it down though. However, when I push it down too much it gets to a point where it explodes, making those moments almost worse than spending every day in sadness. It was such a twisted spiraling path, I never knew what was going to happen next, if I would feel better or worse, or what I'd even be thinking. It was horrible.
Thinking back on it all though, I probably made Eddie hurt even worse.
I cried harder, flashbacks playing on loop once again.

'But you'll blame it on me, as fucking always y/n. You can live in this little victim fantasy of yours all you want, but deep down you know it's always been you.'

I gripped the sink even harder, biting my lip to the point it was bleeding.

I needed to get away from here.

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So I did. I went home and talked to my mom, she said I could stay with a family member for the weekend. It was her sister, my favorite aunt. She was always there for this kind of thing, plus she lived far enough to be able to give me a break. I left Friday, taking a few outfits and the AC/DC hoodie. I wore the hoodie on the way there, using my arms to hold it close. It felt like my only connection to him anymore.
It felt like a break up almost, except obviously we weren't dating and that's what caused the problem to begin with.
It was really similar though, it had the crying, confusing emotions that followed, loss of contact, and becoming strangers once more.
It was equally as heartbreaking too.
I was glad I'd have time to process away from him though. I could sit in the guest room and cry my heart out if need be.
Who was I kidding, I'd definitely be crying.
I could finally let everything come to the surface, stop pushing it down and trying to ignore it. I'd get some relief and distance myself from the problem.
Knowing that brought me the slightest bit of comfort, which was hard to find after everything from the past week or so.
This was a very needed getaway, and I hoped it would help Eddie too, if he was doing as badly as his friends had said. I became hopeful, but still sad. It was a bittersweet feeling but I didn't mind it. I let it come through, as I would with everything else I felt.
Maybe I'd learn something about myself, hell, maybe I'd learn how to fix this.

I hoped to anyways, I didn't want to lose him like this.