CLOSER || EDDIE MUNSON

Part 21

I woke up in a cold sweat. Another nightmare.
My face was wet with tears and I was hyperventilating.I had to take a moment to remember where I was, the pitch dark in my room scaring me. I let my eyes adjust before pausing my music.
I had been having nightmares every night since his death. Sometimes it would be me instead, sometimes it was flashes of our fights, sometimes it was reliving the entire thing.
Just now had been the latter. I went through all the motions again, but the music from my playlist was there this time. It was like background music in a movie.
That one was new, but dreaming about everything that happened with Eddie wasn't.
A year had passed since he overdosed.
It still hurt me the exact same way as it had then, leaving a scar on my heart. No matter how much I tried to get better, I just couldn't. I cried so much over it, over the fact I would never have him back. It felt like it was entirely my fault.
Maybe if I didn't fight with him that night, maybe if I didn't kiss him, maybe if I hadn't even talked to him-
I stopped myself. I knew my mind was already running rampant from the nightmare. I took a deep breath and noticed his old AC/DC hoodie sitting on one of my pillows. I pulled it over, tears falling as I held it close to my chest. It was all I had left of him physically. The only other things I had were the memories. I held onto them. Though, when I went through them this time it felt more real. Like I was put back in time, or lived through a month long memory. It was a crazy feeling.
I had learned how to cope with that more though. After a year of consistent nightmares and crying I figured out how to calm myself down, at least enough to avoid a mental breakdown.
I still cried.
I cried more than I felt like I should honestly.
It had gotten to a point where I stayed locked in my room most days. Even after a year I couldn't handle it.
I had lost the one person I really loved.
And it wasn't like I could just walk over and say 'Hey, sorry come back', he was really gone.
I would never hear his little comments again, never hear his laugh, see his smile, any of that.

All I had were memories of them.

Memories I would relive ever day, until I died.

Memories that each ended the same brutal way,

with me wishing I had gotten closer.