CLOSER || EDDIE MUNSON

Part 19

Suddenly, the days leading up to when I would be back felt shorter. I know I said I would fix it, but I still needed to figure out how. I had no idea.
At first I thought I could write him a letter, but I realized he probably wouldn't open it if he saw who it was from. Then I thought about calling him, but I didn't have his phone number and there was no guarantee he would be home. My only other idea after that was to talk to him at school, but he hardly went anyway and he most likely would just walk away.
I knew he had to be upset, if not he would probably be sad and still not want to see me. There was no way I could talk to him without him leaving.
I cried over it a lot. I wanted to fix things, I really did but I couldn't see how.
So I let it be. I knew I made a promise, but I couldn't keep it. I would just have to wait it out and hope he'd come around.

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Finally it was Sunday, the day I was going back home. A bittersweet feeling came over me as I got into my aunts car. In a way I was excited to be going home but I also dreaded it. I liked the idea of being back in my own room and in a safe space but I hated the idea of having to see Eddie again. It wasn't in a hateful way though, it was more of a thing where I didn't want to see him sad. It would bring up the bad feelings I had all weekend.
It made me really anxious.
I sighed and rested my head against the side of the car door as I looked outside. I watched as we left the neighborhood, deciding to play a song to cope with everything I was feeling.

(Play Somewhere Only We Know by Keane now)

I felt a few tears fall as I thought about the song and Eddie. It used to be a comfort to me but it had become full of memories, ones I missed with everything in me. I realized just how badly I missed him in that moment. Of course I had been missing him a lot but it didn't hit me that it was this much.
I felt more tears fall.

'I walked across an empty land'

I then looked up towards the sky, it was completely clear, not a cloud for miles. It was so pretty and happy.
Part of me wished I could feel like that again.
I didn't have Eddie though, and he was the one that made me truly happy.
Even the pretty things of the world became sad and dull without him.
It was crazy to me that he had such a massive impact. He made everything seem better, like life was pure bliss.
I missed it so much.

'I'm gettin' tired, and I need somewhere to begin'

I sat in my thoughts, soaking them in and trying to relive the memories I made. I needed the joy and comfort they had brought me. It was like an addiction almost. I couldn't be myself without him. He was the person I needed, the one who made my days worth living. It was like he was a sort of light at the end of the tunnel.
But that light had been snuffed out.
I brought my focus back to the car window, noticing we were almost there. It made me sad honestly. I would have to see him, but not in the way I wanted. He would be distant, never close enough to reach no matter how hard I would try.

'And if you have a minute why don't we go'

'Talk about it somewhere only we know'

All of our fights flashed through my head. I regretted all of them, I didn't want to hurt him.
But I did.
And I was paying the price.
The car pulled in to the trailer park, slowing to a stop in front of my house. It was about 5pm now. I noticed Mom's car in the driveway, meaning she was home, meaning she would also probably see me cry.
I hadn't told her about anything, mainly cause she wasn't home as often as she used to be but also because I was afraid.
Looking back on it, I was more afraid of what I had been feeling rather than actually telling her about Eddie. I was scared of myself, and I still was a lot of the time.
But maybe I could open up, I really did need to talk to someone about it. And I missed my mom.
I told my aunt goodbye and hopped out of the car, briefly glancing at Eddie's trailer across the way.