CLOSER || EDDIE MUNSON

Part 14

I had changed a while ago, keeping the hoodie on for when mom got home. I sat on my bed while everything that had happened yesterday went through my head. For some reason, it felt kind of weird to me. Of course, I already knew I had enjoyed it and thought I was glad it was with Eddie,
but was I?
I didn't even know why it was a question, I knew I really liked him so I should've loved that. Something still felt off though. I blamed it on the fact I was alone, and Eddie was usually what kept me from questioning myself. He made the rest of the world disappear, as per usual.
Yeah, it was just that.
I forced a smile, taking myself out of my thoughts.
I looked at the time, it was about 2pm. We had slept for a good part of the day, but I didn't mind all that much.
I got up and went to the kitchen, finding some leftovers from last night and putting them in the microwave. I tried to focus, but this thing, whatever it was, kept me busy. I was upset that I couldn't figure it out, or just brush it off.
It almost reminded me of how I felt about Eddie before I realized I liked him. It was a feeling I couldn't identify, but could never get rid of. This difference this time though, was that I wouldn't take it out on him. I had been learning how to avoid that recently.
I'd figure it out, then do what I could to fix it. I just needed to start with the first part.
I was too distracted to hear the microwave beep. I suddenly snapped back into reality, grabbing my food and heading into the living room. I practically shoveled the food in my mouth, not realizing how hungry I was. Part of it could've been stress though. This thing was almost as stressful as my feelings for Eddie, before I had told him everything. It confused me.
I felt a sense of deja vu came over me.
This was all too familiar, and I hated it.
But it wasn't that I liked him.
So what was this feeling?
I tried to snap out of it and focus on the t.v in front of me.
It was still weird to me how it had just come up now, right after I had slept with Eddie. Maybe that was it?
No, it couldn't have been. I knew for a fact I enjoyed it.
I slammed my now empty plate onto the table in front of me, storming to my room.
I fell onto my bed, face buried in the pillow. I let out an almost-yell out of annoyance. Why was this the only thing I could think of? It felt like torture. I didn't know what was wrong with me, and it gave me flashbacks to everything bad that had happened between me and Eddie.
It make me think of how I took it all out on him, it made me think of how I had said all of those things. I felt guilt wash over me as tears built up in my eyes. I was such a confused and frazzled mess. I hated it, I should be feeling amazing. After all, I had just had one of the best nights of my life.
But here I was.
Back to questioning everything I've ever known.
The tears started falling quicker. I grabbed my pillow as tightly as possible before letting out a scream. I was glad it was muffled, I couldn't handle seeing Eddie right now. Whether it was from guilt or the fact I was so vulnerable, I didn't know.
I needed to let it all out. So I did.
I screamed into my pillow more and sobbed with everything in me. I hated all of it. I hated how sensitive I was in the moment, I hated how I let my feelings get the best of me again. I hated how I didn't even know the reason behind it.
As much as I hated it, I realized I needed to see Eddie again. He brought me comfort that I couldn't get anywhere else.
So, I wiped my face and dashed out the door, back to his place not even two hours later. I knocked on the door, trying to stop the tears from falling but it only made it worse.
I sniffled, thinking of last night and waking up this morning. This time, it didn't make me smile though.

"Holy shit, y/n are you okay?" He opened the door and carefully stepped closer to me.

I couldn't speak, all I could do was cry. Seeing him made the tears fall quicker, but not in the bad way. I felt like I could really get it all out being with him.
Eddie then gently grabbed my shoulder and guided me inside and into his room. I sat on his bed and buried my head into my hands. He sat next to me and placed a hand on my back, tracing figures to try and comfort me.
Normally that would help, but I didn't even know why I was crying. I mean I knew it was because I didn't know how I felt, but that was the problem. I didn't know what was bothering me. And for some reason I was crying more when Eddie was around. I thought it was because I was comfortable around him, but something told me that wasn't it.
I tried to calm myself down, surprisingly it worked. I finally spoke up.