blues and greens (barson)

xiii.

After lunch, the kids went to play with Legos in the little space off the living room.
Olivia sat at the dining table with a newspaper splayed out before her as she waited for the furniture delivery.
Some music softly played from the smart speaker on one of the shelves in the kitchen.
Though she had the newspaper in front of her, she wasn't looking at it. She was staring at a chair across from her, lost in thought.
She was thinking about how happy she was, but that worried her. Every time she'd thought herself happy before something had occurred to ruin it. She was certain that if she let herself be happy something would go wrong.
"Anything interesting in that newspaper?" Rafael's voice startled Olivia.
She turned toward the sound of his voice.
His face was clean shaven and his hair had been trimmed, his tie hung loosened and his suspenders were off his arms, hanging down around his hips. He laid his jacket and vest over the back of one of the chairs and sat his briefcase in the chair.
"You went to a barber?" She raised an eyebrow.
"I did," he nodded, "on my way home."
"You look wonderful," she smiled.
"Well, I did it purely for selfish reasons," he chuckled as he sat in the chair she'd been staring at.
"What's that?"
"I realized it was a hinderance this morning when you touched my jaw and I wanted to be able to feel and appreciate it properly," he shrugged.
She rolled her eyes and smiled a little, "well, I suppose that is selfish."
He chuckled again, "I told you."
"How dare you be so selfish," her tone was dripping with sarcasm and amusement.
"Enough about the beard," he laughed for a moment and then leaned forward, resting his arms on the table, "you were very lost in thought when I walked in."
She nodded, searching his face and taking in every detail, "I didn't hear you come in. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, darling," he smiled reassuringly, "what were you thinking about?"
"I was just worrying," she shook her head and pulled her eyes from him to look at the newspaper in front of her.
"What about?" He questioned as he leaned over his arms on the table.
She shook her head again, "I'm afraid if I speak it into the universe it'll happen."
"But if you hold it in it'll drive you crazy," his voice was gentle, "I'm not going to push you, if you don't want to talk about it it's okay. I just want you to know that I'm here to listen if or when you do."
Liv didn't look up at him, she just reached a hand across the table for him to take.
Rafa took her hand carefully in both of his and brought it up, pressing a light kiss to her knuckles.
"How did voir dire go?" She asked softly.
"Well, I believe. That Staten Island ADA could take a lesson from Carisi honestly," he rolled his eyes.
"How do you mean?"
"Well, I'm not a prosecutor anymore so I can't walk in there and try to give him tips, but Carisi learned from me and learned from his own experiences. Last I went against him, he knew damn well what he was doing."
"I won't tell him you said that," she laughed and finally looked up again.
"Please don't," he smiled, "but Carisi is a strong opponent and I actually quite enjoy going against him despite the fact that I'm going against a friend. He's a challenge at this point unlike this ADA for this case. I may as well consider this a win. His case is weak and his choices are weak."
"Don't get too cocky, Rafael."
His cocky smirk appeared as she'd hoped it would.
"Don't count out an underdog," she reminded, raising an eyebrow.
"I know," he nodded.
"I'm not saying I doubt you, you're one of the best lawyers I've ever worked with and unfortunately against," she said, "I just also don't want you to walk in there overconfident and turn the jury off."
"I am the defense, you know. We're supposed to be confident."
"I do. I also know that if you want a jury to be sympathetic to whoever you're representing, you can't walk in there like you've already won, otherwise they'll want to prove you wrong."
He considered her words, "I suppose that's true."
"I've been a part of enough trials to notice these things, counselor," she smiled.
"You're being very bad, giving advice to defense lawyers," he playfully scolded.
She knew it was a joke but she still felt terrible, "well, I'm not giving advice to defense lawyers. I'm giving advice to you. I love you and I want to support you in your career and I don't want to feel bad about it."
His face softened, though the slightly cocky upturn at the edge of his mouth still remained, "Liv, I'm teasing. I appreciate your advice and I understand what you're saying. I'm not going to go around broadcasting some narrative that you're helping me with any cases or even broadcasting our relationship before we're ready for people behind the squad to know."
She nodded.
"I understand that you're not helping the case and that you're helping me," the cocky smirk turned to a reassuring small smile, "and I appreciate you helping me because I don't intend to excuse cockiness all the time and sometimes I don't even notice when I am and I need to be called on it. So really, I appreciate that you're willing to do that."
She nodded a little, her brow was furrowed as she felt the worries begin to subside.