blues and greens (barson)

xxxi.

January 6th marked the official 6 month mark of Aspen being with Olivia and Rafael which meant it was also six months of their relationships.
They both laughed a bit about being engaged before the six month mark that morning but neither one of them felt bad for even a moment since they were born so absolutely certain about the other that they agreed they wanted to or would've proposed before the end of month one.
They didn't intend to rush to a wedding and were very happy being engaged and being parents to their wonderful children.
Speaking of the children, Aspen signed up to do a musical that would open in the spring. It was open casting and anyone in the elementary school was welcome to sign up and audition.
Aspen's audition was January 10th and she was growing more nervous, she hadn't even begun practicing a song to audition with yet because she was afraid to sing in her room and risk anyone hearing her, she thought they would make fun of her.
January 7th, Olivia took Noah, Felix, and Maddox to go shopping which left Aspen and Rafael alone at the apartment.
"Papi," she approached him as he was making a cup of coffee, his third of the day.
"Yes, darling."
"Can you help me?"
"With what?" He sipped the hot coffee and then wrinkled his nose, starting to add only a hint more cream.
"With my song for my audition," she said softly.
He froze, pouring more cream than he wanted as he looked up at her.
"Cream," she pointed.
"Oh, f-crap," he stopped pouring and groaned at the coffee that was certainly going to be too sweet now, "yes, Aspen, I would love to help you with your song. Do you know what song you have to or want to do?"
She stood on her toes and pushed the sheet music onto the counter next to him.
He looked down and read the bold title across the top and then looked at her, "did you pick this?"
She nodded, her big green eyes looking up at him as she rocked back and forth.
"Do you wanna practice it and then see if Felix can play it on the piano to accompany you later?"
"I showed him it once and he said it looked hard but he would try."
Rafael nodded, sipped the coffee and made a face before taking it toward the sink, "well, how would you like to practice?"
"Why don't you just pour half the coffee in a second mug and add more coffee to both mugs and drink two since you'll have another one when that's one's gone anyway?"
He looked at her, "you're a little genius."
"Thanks."
"Do you want to sing it for me so we can see where you're at or do you want me to sing with you? How do you want to do this?" He asked as he worked on splitting the coffee.
She looked like she was getting nervous again, "I was wondering if you could sing it once and then I could try?"
He smiled at her, "okay. Let's see," he set both coffees aside once he'd finished and picked up the sheet music.
"I think you're probably gonna sing it lower than my voice but maybe I'll be able to figure out how the notes go."
"Do you want me to teach you the notes?" He asked as he led her to the dining table.
"Can you?"
"Yeah, let's go to the piano."
"You can play piano?"
"A little," he grabbed one cup of coffee and a coaster and led her up the stairs to the piano.
"Will Felix be upset that we're using his piano?"
"I don't think he will," Rafael smiled, "I don't play as well as he has been... he's getting very good, but I think with a little bit I could maybe play at least some of this."
She nodded and sat next to him on the bench.
"The song starts," he looked at the sheet music and then skimmed his fingers across the keys and tapped one, "here. So you'd sing 'I' to match this."
Her big green eyes looked at him and she nodded, "how do you tell?"
He showed her what note it was and showed her what each line on the staff meant and then what the different types of notes meant. They went over it a few times before she nodded.
"So this would be the notes of each line on the staff," he played a scale, "and the spaces would be this."
"Okay, I understand."
"Look at it and tell me the first note," he instructed.
She paused and looked over the music, "is it C?"
He nodded, "great! Which means the more sounds like this, right?"
"Right."
"Do you want me to try to play through and sing for you or just sing? I can point at the notes as I sing them so you can see to match them up?"
"Could you just sing? Then I'll sing and then maybe add the piano? I don't wanna get confused trying to learn it with the piano right away."
He nodded, "whichever way will help you."
She leaned against him slightly.
Taking a deep breath, Rafael began to sing. He pointed at each note as he sang so she could hear the way it sounded and see what it looked like. When he finished, she clapped a little and then took a deep breath.
"You ready?"
She looked nervous again, "maybe."
He hadn't heard her sing before, she hummed from time to time but he'd not heard her sing much ever. He reached over and tapped the first key to give her the starting pitch.
She began singing, it was very soft and quite shaky as she began, "I hope you never lose your sense of wonder."
He couldn't help but smile as she sang to him the song he'd sung to help her fall asleep a handful of times now.
Aspen's eyes fell closed as she saw him smile, like it made her more nervous to see. She swayed back and forth a bit as she sang along, hitting each note just right.
Rafael felt himself fill with pride as she sang. He was impressed by how bold her voice was and how well she held the notes. There were a few mistakes, it wasn't going to be absolutely perfect on her first go, he knew that but nonetheless he was impressed by how quickly she'd picked up the song.
When she finished, she peeked one eye open just a little bit to peek at him. Jumping slightly as he started clapping for her.
"Aspen, that was amazing."
"You're just supposed to say that 'cause you're my dad."
His heart swelled hearing her say that and he wrapped her up in a hug, "no, darling, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."
She hugged him back and whispered, "thanks."
"Of course," he smiled and kissed the top of her head, "do you want to see how badly I butcher it on the piano to see if you can sing it with piano?"
She nodded, she was very nervous to sing in front of anyone else so far so the idea of trying it with him and then maybe asking Felix sounded much less scary.
Rafa gave a small nod, he leaned forward and looked at the music, tapping across the notes slowly as he tried to find the way. He slipped up a few times but corrected and by the fifth or sixth try he was able to make it through the song well enough that she'd be able to sing along.
"You're not really bad at piano," Aspen looked at him, "I think you're good."
"I haven't played in a very long time," he admitted, "but it's sort of like my hands remember how to play, like muscle memory, once I get going I'm sure I could figure it out."
"Do you think if you played more you'd feel better about it?" She asked.
"Maybe."
"Why'd you stop playing?"
"Well, I didn't have a piano and I kept saying I would buy one and then I was just always so busy that I never did."
"But you always tell us that if something makes us happy we should find time for it."
Rafa fell quiet, he knew that she was right. He did say that to the children a couple of times when they worried that their hobbies were making them too busy.
"I guess it just didn't feel like it would be helpful to my job," he said softly, "but I think I would've been a lot happier if I had found time..."
Aspen nodded, "are you happier now?"
Rafael smiled, "I have been happier in the last six months than I have been in years, Aspen."
"Why?"
He laughed a little, "because I get to be your dad and Maddox and Felix's dad and Noah's. I get to see your smiles everyday and hear your laughs and that is the greatest gift I've ever received. Getting to spend time with you all is what makes me happy now and I will always make time to be able to spend with you."
Her eyes so similar to his own looked at him and she smiled, Olivia's smile, "you're a good dad."
He felt a pang in his chest and he hugged her again, burying his face in her wavy hair to press a kiss to her head.
"I love you," Aspen whispered.
Rafael felt as though he could break down in tears right then and there. That was the first time any of the kids had said that to him and he hadn't been upset, he knew it would take time... but hearing it gave him such a rush of pure happiness. He had loved her from the moment he met her, but he understood that coming from the situation she did it might be hard for her to hear or to say, so he waited for her to say it so he would know she was ready and comfortable.
"I love you, Aspen," he whispered back, swallowing back tears, "so much more than I'll ever be able to put into words."
"I know," she replied simply, hugging him back.
"Thank you," he said softly.
"For what?"
"Making me a dad."
A small smile appeared on Aspen's face, not that the man could see it, but the seven year old understood more than he knew, just how much he'd changed. She had seen how careful he was and she'd seen him go from wearing his fancy suits constantly to dressing casually more often. She'd seen how much more he smiled the longer he spent with them. These little things that grown ups often think children don't notice, Aspen did. She noticed because she had to know her first dad's moods to know when it was okay to play or when it was better to stay quietly in her room. She noticed the little sparkle Rafa's eyes got when he got home from a particularly difficult day and the kids all ran to greet him.
"I'm glad I got the chance," she responded, "can we sing again now?"
He kissed her head again and then released her, turning back to the piano. He wiped a tear from his face and took a deep breath. He didn't try to hide when he was crying because Olivia had told him that letting the children see all the emotions they felt would help them know that it's okay to feel all those emotions, it's okay to be sad or happy or hurt and it's okay to be upset or angry, too. Of course, the bigger things that the children didn't have to face yet, they talked about behind closed doors... but they never tried to hide their emotions from the children because they wanted to make sure all four of them knew it was okay.
"Do you want to start at the beginning of the song?" He asked, "or is there a part you want to work on more?"
"I think the main part," she gestured.
"The chorus," he nodded, "okay."
And the two of them got back to work. The more they ran through it, the better Aspen did and Rafa got better on the piano for her.