An Angel's Vice

Prologue - Lauren's note

A life of proving yourself. That's all it is. It is a never ending state of people pleasing, proving your worth, proving you're innocent, proving you're not a rat, proving you're down like that, proving to your family you're still a good person, proving to your significant other that you're faithful and still love them, proving that you're not a liar then proving you can lie when the time comes where everyone and everything is counting on it, etc. They say you wanna live a life of misery? This is the way to do it. Oh but you can't leave. Do whatever you wanna do but leaving isn't an option. There are only two ways a story of a criminal can end: life in prison and six feet under a cemetery or some place your own loved ones can't find you. That's how you leave. Only few are the lucky ones who get out and survive until a natural death takes them.

There are no happy endings here—not counting the ones you either get from an Asian massage parlour, your side piece you see every end of the week, and from your loving partner stuck with you in this hellish paradise. If you're still here believing, hoping and praying for one, you're just as foolish as I was. As foolish as the next guy coming up beneath me. Listen to me, if you decide you are going to stick along after all, then do exactly what I did and get rid of the fairytales. Save it for bedtime, right now I need you awake.

I'm not a saint, never declared myself as one. Never tried to be, never thought I could be. I'm not a good person...and I've learned to accept and live with that from one of my closest friends we all knew as Buggs. You're not supposed to love me. You're not supposed to hate me. Hell, you're not supposed to do anything. Whatever you feel toward me is your fucking problem and your own fucking concern. Agree with the choices I've made or not, it's not personal. Some of us can only live our lives as authentically as we can. And if you are one of those nutcases that preach to people to be who they are and be honest about it yet you reject me and everybody else like me who do exactly that, I am pleased to inform you that you don't know what you want and you are a hypocrite just like everybody else. Keep this in mind as I tell you my story.

A life of proving. Tuh. The only thing I can prove to you...whoever's listening...is that you don't want to be here. Where there's a fire, you don't run toward it unless you want to be a hero with a death wish. There's nothing for no one here. But if you don't have a choice like I didn't when I was 15, then at least learn from me. You'd be so fucking sorry that you didn't.