I see, I care. *Billy Hargrove*

12

tingly

That's the only word you could possibly use to describe how you were feeling.
you were simply tingly.
It almost as if a thousand tiny swords were being poked and prodded into your skin over, and over again.
It wasn't until a hand was placed delicately over your knee did you notice your leg was bouncing. With blurred vision you looked to your left only to be met by Steve's concerned gaze.
"you good?" he asked cautiously, his thumb moving in soft circles. You nodded your head- throat to hoarse to try and speak-.
"you've been hiding her?" Both you and Steve turn your heads towards the younger kid yelling at the police chief. "hiding her... this WHOLE time?" everyone in the room shares stunned looks at the realization.
"holy shit" dustin mumbled mouth agape
"let's talk alone" Hopper pulls Mike into a different room away from everyone's eyes. Everyone's eyes roam around the room unsure of where the even start talking.
"y/n.." El mumbled eyes falling upon you. You sent her a tired smile- the best you could muster-.
"hi El"
Tuning out the reunion happening around you your leg returned to its bouncing.
"are you sure you're alright" Steve spoke up
"Steve really. I'm fine" you reiterated. He sent you and all knowing look with the raise of his brow. "it's just" you shook your head quickly. "a lot to take in all at once" chewing on your inner lip you hugged your arms around your body.

•••

"that's even in we get in there" Hopper rubbed his hand along his scruff deep in thought.
"that lab is crawling with those... dogs" you pointed out with a shiver pulling the jacket you were wearing closer to your body.
"Demodogs" Dustin pointed out with a nod of his head.
You and Hopper turned simultaneously towards the shorter boy. "what?" Hopper asked with furrowed brows.
"Demogorgon dogs... demodogs" he gestured with his hands.
"how is this important right now" you flicked the hat off Dustin's head.
"i can do it" every head in the room snapped toward Eleven as she finally spoke again. Hopper jumped in quickly with his response.
"you're not hearing me—" El cut him off just as fast-if not quicker-.
"i'm hearing" she pointed out with a small nod and a glare "i can do it"
"even IF el could do it" Mike looked around the small group of people. "there's another problem" you opened your mouth in realization as Mike continued his statement. "if the brain dies-"
"the body dies" you finished for him. pushing your hair behind your ear.
"i thought that was the whole point" Max pointed out
"it is" Mike gulped down a breath. "but if we're really right. if she closes the gate and it kills the mind flayers army"
"will is part of that army" Lucas finally caught on. You and mike nod in unison.
"Bingo" you mumbled under your breath.
"closing the gate will kill him"

•••

Later as you, Steve and Nancy rummaged through the piles of junk Steve strikes up a conversation. "you should go with him" Nancy looks up and over at you. you send her a shrug before she sends her gaze over to Steve.
"what?" she asked
"with jonathon" Steve pointed out looking between the two of you. Nancy shakes her head returning back to the task at hand.
"no. I'm not leaving mike" she pointed out. you let out an annoyed huff and continued rummaging.
"No one's leaving anyone" Steve pointed out. "I may be a shitty boyfriend," he pointed out looking at Nancy before shifting his gaze to you "but turns out i'm a pretty damn good babysitter" he sent you a smile before looking back over at Nancy. They shared a look for a while that you pretended to ignore. "it's ok nance" he sighed softly "it's ok".
Steve and you stood side by side on the porch with the kids as you watched the cars peel out of the dirt driveway. "good job stevey" you pat him on the back sending him a small smile.
"shut up" he groaned turning around to walk back inside. You laughed lightly and turned around to follow him in. By the time you has made your way inside Dustin had cleared out the fridge almost entirely.
"ok... he should fit now" he rested his hands on his hips with a gum full smile.
"is this really necessary" Steve and you shared an annoyed look- yours slightly more amused-.
"this is a significant scientific discovery. You can't just bury it like some common mammal" Dustin pointed out with just about as much sass as you could handle from him.
"alright well. you're explaining this to mrs byers" Steve shook his head ultimately deciding to help the kid.
"big ol softy" you chuckled out. As steve slammed the fridge door shut you finally tuned into the conversation happening in the next room over
"dude listen, if the coach calls a play in game. bottom line- execute it" Steve gestured with his hands as he spoke. You looked over at the taller teen with furrowed brows.
"what does that even mean" you shook your head
"your boyfriends in basketball and you don't-" Steve shook his head
"not my boyfriend" you pointed out.
"this isn't even a stupid sports game" Mike was exasperated "and we're not even in the game. We're benched" he sighed lowering his head
"my point is-" steve started
"you have a point?" you cut him off
he sent you a glare "right, we're benched. so there's nothing we can do"
"well that's not entirely true" the group of you look over at the curly haired kid on the end "i mean, the demodogs have a hive mind right" you nodded your head at dustin
"yeah they ran from the bus cause they were called away" Max and Lucas share a looking before turning back towards the rest of you
"care to clue us in on your thoughts?" Steve asked with a nod of his head
"if we get there attention" Lucas started
"maybe we can draw them away from the lab" Max finished
"and clear a path to the gate" Mike looked between everyone.
"yeah and then we'll all die" Steve threw his hands up
"well that's one point of view" you groaned
"no that's not a point of view. that's a fact" Steve sent you a sharp stare making you shrivel up slightly.

You watch as Steve paced back and forth yelling at the younger kids something you couldn't possibly make out. the only noise you could hear was the gentle roaring of an approaching car.. a familiar sound. You rushed to the window and looked down the driveway.
"Max..." you mumbled turning towards the group. the two of you locked eyes as she slowly back towards a wall- fear in her eyes-. "steve.. steve" you called out as he pulled open the door making his way down the steps.
"he can't know i'm here" Max mumbled fearfully. You couldn't quite make out what the two boys were saying due to the fearful kids chatting behind you. You watched as Billy steps closer to steve eyes narrowed as the boys crowded around you by the window. Billy sent a look to the window and you all quickly ducked out of view.
"shit did he see eyes" dustin rushed out.
"you're all idiots" you shook your head plopping down on the couch. The door slams open drawing all over your attention. Lucas protectively steps in front of Max
"well well well. if it isn't Lucas Sinclair. What a surprise" Billy shook his head.
"Billy?" you spoke up swallowing back your own fear. He moves closer to the kids.
"I thought i told you to stay away from him Max" he flexed and uncle ed his hands.
"billy go away" Max spoke up
"you disobeyed me. and you know what happens when you disobey me. I break things" You stood from your seat quickly. It all happened in a flash. one you can barely remember. Lucas was pinned up against a wall while the kids screamed and cried.
"BILLY" you yelled out. But it was like he was possessed. This wasn't your billy. this was someone else entirely.
All you remember next is the fight in the living room. Steve bleeding on the floor. Max stood in shock with eyes wide as Billy pulled a needle from his neck. Words are shared as you stare in shock as the ferocious man falls to the floor unconscious. He's out cold. You all stare in shock as Max drops Steve's bag by her feet.
"HOLY SHIT" Dustin cheers. The kids all chat hurriedly as you stare down at the unconscious man at your feet. You sink to your knees as you stare at his face. So soft... so relaxed. So completely different to how he was. You reach over an dig through Billy's jacket pockets pulling out a skull keychain.
"go" you mumbled tossing Max the keys.
"you're not coming" Lucas asked with furrowed brows. You and Max shared a look as a tear ran down your cheek. she sent you a simple nod and rounded up the kids.
You leaned back against the couch. Billy unconscious a few feet away from you. You couldn't believe what you had just seen.
did you really know Billy.

or were you kidding yourself with a hopeless fantasy.

unachievable.

****
a/n i wrote this on my phone while also barely remembering this episode and purely going off a script i found online :)
Season 4 was wild. My love has returned. prepare yourselves.

published 6/5/22