In Every Lifetime

Chapter Thirty Four

Arthit's eyes darted around nervously as he nestled himself into Kongpob's bed, fiddling with the sheets absentmindedly. Kongpob had gone to take a shower and he was left alone in the room. This was.. Strange to say the least.

Somehow it felt different. Even though it was just them still, in a room, it felt strange. Maybe it was the fact that it wasn't his room. Maybe it was because he was doing something so seemingly normal for couples to be doing and yet, it felt strangely intimate - the fact that he was waiting for his lover to return to his side. Or maybe it was simply because it was all too human.

He hadn't exactly been one for the longest time now.

Wants, needs, urges. All of these had faded to nothing over the last two years and yet, in the short time he was with Kongpob, all these emotions had risen once again to the surface, and some more. Suddenly, he was afraid.

Afraid all these might come to an end, afraid he wasn't enough, afraid.. To lose Kongpob.

So when his husband had finally exited the washroom, still towelling dry his damp hair, Arthit threw his trembling self into Kongpob's warm embrace.

"Oon? Is everything alright?" Kongpob asked softly.

Arthit nodded. He wasn't lying though, not really. He had felt immensely better the minute he was in Kongpob's arms but he knew that didn't fix the root of the problem. But somehow Kongpob still knew.

Pulling Arthit away for himself, he sat the elder on the edge of the bed while he squatted in front of him, holding his cheek in one hand and his hands in the other.

"Oon, if this is about what I said in the morning, I was only joking to ease the tension. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. You know that right?"

Arthit nodded again, then shook his head. Okay now Kongpob was confused. What was he supposed to make of this?

"Talk to me Oon, please."

"It isn't about that," Arthit sighed, reddening a little. "I enjoyed it too."

Grinning, Kongpob rubbed at the blush on his husband's cheeks. He was going to count that as a win for now.

"So what do you want? Tell me," he urged.

And Arthit was back to shaking. Right. So it wasn't about what he wanted then.

"Okay, so what do you not want? Let's start from there instead."

After a small moment of hesitation, Arthit whispered, "to leave you."

Kongpob froze before groaning as he finally climbed into the bed too, pulling Arthit close and tight. "You are so very bad for my heart you know that?" And Arthit knew he meant every word of it, his husband's heartbeat pounding loud and clear next to his ear.

"What if it doesn't work Kong? What if I go back? What if I disappear? I don't-"

Kongpob silenced Arthit with his lips, kissing him gently, pouring as much comfort he could into it.

"Oon, we will never know everything in this world. Let's just take it one step at a time hmm? Besides, don't you trust me? You're talking to the man who managed to marry you, meet you and now love you - all while you're technically dead. I think the gods still like us enough for that." Kongpob chuckled as he pressed Arthit against his chest once more.

Stroking his hair gently, he continued. "You know I'd follow you to the ends of the earth right? Or realms in this case. Whether we return to how we were before, or stay as we are now, it doesn't matter to me. I told you, I just need you by my side."