Things We Said Today

Chapter Eighteen

My head pounded wildly, a sharp pain drilling at my temples as I felt my eyes begin to flutter open.

"Fuck." I heard myself mutter as I quickly shut my eyes again. I pressed my face against Jude's chest, trying to block out the sunlight that was streaming in through my window.

"I wanted to get up and shut the curtains for you." Jude's voice was soft, still clinging to sleep as I felt him gently pet the back of my head. "But when I tried to get up, you grabbed onto my arm with a death grip. I didn't know someone so small... and so asleep, could possess such strength."

I groaned, "I think I'm dead."

He chuckled softly, "Not dead, just severely hungover." He etched soft patterns up and down my spine with his fingertips. The motion, despite the pounding in my head, made my stomach flutter lightly.

"I need food." I gasped. "I didn't eat dinner last night."

"Luckily for you, I ordered breakfast sandwiches already. They'll be here in fifteen minutes." Jude held up his phone, showing me the sandwich order on his screen when I squinted my eyes open.

I let out a sharp exhale, "Thank god." I muttered, turning my face, and burying it against his chest again.

He tightened his arms around my waist, but I could feel a tense bout of anxiety tainting his form. It was obvious why... the last time I had woken up in bed with him I had proceeded to try to ignore him for a week. I knew he was waiting for the ball to drop... and a part of me was too. But a larger part of me wanted to give up, give in, and just let myself to slip into this... whatever this was. I was too hungover to try to figure out the logistics, though... far too hungover.

I let my hand slip under his shirt, trailing my fingers up the warm skin of his torso while I felt him tremble slightly in response.

"Lucy." He spat my name out in a gasp as I began tracing circles on his chest.

Some strange sense of pride, or pleasure, or something in between sprung up in my gut as I acknowledged the effect I had on him. The same one, I supposed, that he also had on me.

"What?" I whispered, peering up at him from my placement on his chest.

"Nothing." He shook his head, his eyes fluttering closed as his head tilted back against the pillows. "That feels nice." He whispered.

I continued etching patterns on his chest while his heart pounded steadily against my fingertips until his phone buzzed against the bed.

"I think that's the sandwiches." He said softly, lifting his head as I slipped my hand out from under his shirt.

"I can't get up." I muttered.

"I'll get them. Do you need anything else?"

"Water... and Advil. I think there's a bottle in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom."

"I'll be right back." He said, gently placing a kiss on the top of my head before he scooted out from under me and pushed himself out of bed.

I watched him walk out of the room, then buried my face in the pillows to block out the sunlight as my head continued to pound. Warm vanilla and sandalwood lingered on the fabric, soothing me even as his presence tugged at me from the other room.

I had no idea what I was doing, or what I was supposed to do. All I knew was that nothing good was coming from forcing myself to stay away from him. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think... at least not about anything apart from him. But how could we do this? I still couldn't stomach the idea of Nora or Evie or Eli knowing about us. I wouldn't be able to answer their questions or explain why I was hung up on someone who had single-handedly ruined my future.