Things We Said Today

Chapter Twenty-Six

My eyes fluttered over to my bedside table and settled on that black and red book that had been taunting me for the past two weeks. Sitting on top of it was the crumpled bunch of notebook paper. I still hadn't read the rest of it. I didn't think I could.

It had been a week and a day since I had last seen Jude. He hadn't come into Chronicle again, which wasn't surprising. I had finally reported Martin to HR. He was on leave while the HR team collected evidence. Kelsey, the senior editor, was his temporary replacement... soon to be his permanent replacement, at least I hoped. I couldn't imagine what kind of horror I would face if he came back. I would probably just quit if he did return to his job without any repercussions. I could never face him again after what had happened.

There was a soft knock at my door, but before I could say anything, it creaked open, and Nora peeked in, then opened it further.

"Hey." She said softly. "Evie and I are going to Finnegans to meet up with Eli and Sophia, you should come."

"I don't really want to." I replied reflexively as I let my head fall back onto my pillows. She hadn't included Jude's name, but she never did, so I knew he would be there too.

She let out a slow exhale, "Please, Lucy. You haven't come out with us in ages."

"I'm just not in the mood." I uttered, twisting a strand of my hair around my fingers, and staring up at the white void of a ceiling.

"Look." I listened as she stepped over the piles of books on my floor and planted herself on the edge of my bed. "I know you don't want to tell me what happened or why you're so down... but I really think it will be good for you to just get out for the night. Nothing is going to change if you keep yourself cooped up in this room forever."

I let my head turn so my gaze rested on her face. Her eyebrows were pulled together in a concerned expression. I felt a pang of guilt rise up in my gut in response. Nora didn't deserve to try to navigate my constant mood swings... none of what had happened had been her fault. But still, the thought of going out to a bar and sitting across from Jude made me want to curl up into a ball and die.

"I don't know, Nor..." I breathed out. "I don't think I'm up for it tonight."

"Just come down there with us. If you're not feeling it, I'll come back here with you, and we can watch one of those crime shows you like and get drunk on the couch." She flashed me a wide grin and I felt myself break.

"Fine..." I exhaled, pushing myself up as she clapped her hands.

"Yay!" She spat out, quickly standing up and racing from my room. "I'll grab my coat and let Evie know." She called out behind her.

I cursed myself as I pulled myself out of bed and swiped a jacket from the floor. I wasn't removed enough from everything that had happened to be able to sit across from Jude and ignore his probing stares. Everything was still too raw... but I knew, it was never going to get better if I just continued putting off seeing him. I would only have a more visceral reaction the longer we spent apart.

I listened to Nora and Evie excitedly chatter as we walked to Finnegans. My body was on edge, a tight bundle of nerves that jittered as we turned onto Cole Street. I should have been happy that we were all hanging out together again. It felt like it had been ages since the last time all of us were together... Instead, I felt like running straight back home and locking myself in my bedroom for the next several weeks.

We ordered drinks at the bar. My mind flashed back to the last time I had been there. Alone, getting absolutely obliterated. I had drunkenly unblocked Jude's number and that had been the beginning... well, perhaps not the beginning, but it had been the moment I fully gave in to that whole situation. God, how could I have been so fucking stupid?