Things We Said Today

Chapter Fourteen

I woke up in slow waves of consciousness. My body struggled to stay awake for more than a few seconds at a time, but I finally managed, my brain muddled and confused by the weight I felt pressing against my side until my eyes focused well enough for me to realize where I was. I was in Tahoe, I was still lying on Jude's chest, his arm firmly locked around my waist. We had fucking slept together.

I groaned, pushing myself up and glancing down at his face. He was still asleep, his lips slightly parted, his dark hair spread chaotically across the pillow, his eyes twitching slightly beneath the cover of his eyelids.

"Fuck." I muttered as the events from the night prior began replaying against my will.

Why the fuck had I done that? Not only had I kissed him... I let him fuck me, I asked him to fuck me. I shook my head, burying my face in my hands as a deep sense of remorse flooded my gut. I couldn't even blame my actions on intoxication... the only thing I had to drink the night prior was a single glass of champagne.

I heard Jude groan next to me, then felt him move slightly as I kept my face buried in my hands.

"Morning." He mumbled, his voice still clinging to sleep.

"Don't look at me." I spat out. I felt my cheeks warm against my palms before I moved my hands to cross one of my arms over my breasts as I blindly began searching for my shirt with my free hand.

"We're way past that, love." He scoffed as I felt him watch me dig through the covers in search of my shirt.

I finally found it, tangled in the sheets, and quickly pulled it over my head before I turned to face him. "Last night was a mistake." I said through a heavy exhale.

I watched his features dampen slightly as his dark eyes— still slightly hooded as he went through the motions of waking up— locked on mine. "You think so?" He inquired with a slight tilt of his head.

"Yes." I tried to keep my voice stern, but heard it shake as the word slipped from my mouth.

He sat up further, the covers slipping down his bare torso and pooling up on his lap. I begged my eyes to stay firmly on his face but felt them flicker down to take in the curve of his shoulders, the definition of his chest. My stomach fluttered weakly, and I cursed the involuntary reaction.

"I don't think it was a mistake." He said, his voice just a decibel above a whisper.

"Well, it was!" I spat out. "It was a mistake and we're never going to do it again; we're never going to speak of it again, and we're certainly never going to tell anyone about it." I stammered, disturbed by the unconvincing tone I was speaking in. I sounded like an amateur actor rehearsing my lines for the first time.

"I don't know why you're under the impression that I was going to tell anyone, Luce. I'm not fifteen. I don't go around telling anyone who will listen about all my sexual encounters." He scoffed as he pushed his tangled mess of hair out of his face.

"We're never doing that again." I muttered for a second time, like it was my new mantra.

"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?" He asked with a raise of his eyebrows.

"Just shut up." I exhaled, letting my head drop and rest in my hands again.

I heard him let out a heavy sigh before he spoke, "Look Luce... I think you need to examine why you think last night was a mistake." He said the word like it was an erroneous term. "I wouldn't have kissed you or fucked you for that matter if you hadn't made it clear that you wanted me to. I thought last night was—" He breathed out sharply, "I thought it was really great, Luce. Better than great, I—" He continued before I forced myself to interrupt him.