Anan & His diary _

10 PAGE 4 : The thin line

“Hello…perth.”

War’s heart crumbled with the mention of that name. He fixed himself and sat at the edge of the bed, his gaze casted downwards. His skin is still tingling with the sensation that yin left; his lips a bit swollen with the aftermath of their kiss. War clenched his fists tightly, his chest constricting as a wave of emotions flooded him. War will never be the same again. Even though he promised to, how can he forget what transcended between them?

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I have to hang up, I’m in the middle of something”, war heard him say.

War felt yin staring at him, but he kept his head down. His footsteps entered war's ears and he felt the bed bounce a little when yin occupied the space near him.

“Are you okay?” yin asked.

War honestly wanted to disappear at that very moment. Yin's taste still lingers in his mouth and his nerves ached for yin's touch. But their brief freedom and momentary insanity has already ended, and war now has to face the sad truth.

“wanarat”, yin said.

War wanted to scream. Hee wanted to say many things; yet his lips remained sealed. He wanted to tell yin that the uncertainty brought about by his actions suffocates him. The fact that he is doing this while the main purpose of yin around war is only to protecting him but somehow it becomes unreasonable. Day by day, it become vague. The more he try to understand whats going on the more nothing is make sense.

War does not know if he’s allowed to cross whatever relationship with him that he doesnt event know what it is in the first place. That it pains him because he knew, he’s already stepping on some thin line and he is uncertain if he will be pushed away. Yet, those words did not find their way in his mouth, for he does not have the courage to risk what they currently have.

“Yes, I’m fine”, war mumbled and tried to stand up, but his knees wobbled. Yin was quick to support him, holding him by the arm and helping him regain his footing. War turned his head towards yin and their gazes locked, yin's stare melting war and leaving him breathless. Yin reached for war, cupping his face with his palm and caressing war's cheek with his thumb. War felt his roughness against his skin; his touch giving him both pain and happiness.

“Forget about what happened”, yin said quietly and withdrew his hand. What yin said stabbed war's heart. Why is it that when yin takes one bold step closer to him, he takes two steps back; making sure that war is aware of the distance that separates them?

“Why?” war asked, exerting tremendous effort to prevent his tears from falling.

“Because it was a mistake.”

A mistake. War swallowed hard and averted his gaze, too weak to even utter a word. Does yin really feel that way? Is it really impossible for yin to like him?

“You will graduate, find a stable job and find a good wife or... husband. You will lead a happy life – a life that you deserved. A perfect life.”

A perfect life? Does he think he is not capable of providing war that kind of happy life? Or perhaps, yin only keeping him close towards him because of that stupid promise to pretect him, but really? Was war blinded by his own feelings that he failed to see that yin has no plans of reciprocating it and that he has been imposing himself on yin?

So many questions are swimming in war's mind. Sadly, they will remain unanswered.

“I’ll walk you to your room”, yin turned around and walked towards his bag, grabbing a shirt. War stared at him somberly, watching his back, his heart tearing into pieces.