He promised us...

One last hug

Major TW:

while waiting for the luke warm water to reach the limit in the bath I head toward Baylee's room. I knock on the door but soon realise he is streaming. "uh Baylee" I mumble "am I alright to come in, its kinda important". "yeh gimme a sec" he replies. I hear him get up from his chair and open his door "you good?" he looked concerned. "Yeah! just wanted to say that I love you :)" I say while opening my arms implying I want a hug. "what's the occasion?" he questioned while pulling me in for a hug. "just thought it was a nice gesture y'know". "alright then" he says pulling away from the hug. "see ya in a bit" I mumbled heading toward J's room.

 "hey, uh, J. Can I talk to you real quick?" my voice sounds more high pitched than usual. "I'm kinda busy in a game right now, make it quick?" he said through the crack of his door. "oh uh yeh, sure. Just wanted to say I love you" I reply while pushing the door open and walking toward him. "awh, I love you more Daz" he says while pulling me into a hug. "uh yeh, sure" I say pulling away before I start to cry. I swiftly leave his room closing his door as he continues with his game. 

I wipe my tears away and put on a smile as I head toward Riley who is sat watching a movie downstairs with Tom. "hey riley, sorry to bother you, just wanted to say that I love you- not like that obviously- but yeh" I mumble as I walk away to find will who is in his room, back upstairs. 

I reach Will's door and take a breathe. "hey will" I say while knocking on his door. "yeah? What's up Daz?" "can I get a hug, nothings wrong before you ask, just need one and everyone's busy" I say through gritted teeth as we try not to lie to one another due to this dumb 'rule' we decided on back when we were younger. "yeah, course, come in". I pushed his door open and walked toward his figure as he was sat in the dark. "promise you're okay?" he questioned while wrapping me in a tight hug. "yeah! everything is okay" I reply pulling out of the hug knowing the bath will be ready now. "imma take a bath n get an early night, I love you" I say while leaving. "I love you too Daz"

I break down while leaving his room and head to my bedroom to get the notes before going to my bathroom and locking the door. I take my phone out of my back pocket and step into the bath fully clothed, I roll my hoodie sleeve up and take my blade out from my phone case. I press it against the pretty blue colored vein. I watch as a line appears, quite a deep one. my eyes fill with more tears than usual. I watch this line turn white, I went very deep -again. I make a few more lines on my left arm before rolling up my right sleeve and make more lines against my vein through teary eyes. My body feels like ice due to the bath water not being warm enough and the fact I'm watching myself bleed out. I realized this wasn't a sufficient way of killing myself. I heaved myself out of the bath, grabbed my phone, the notes and unlocked the door. Dripping water everywhere I walked past each of their doors dropping their letter outside on the floor, I head downstairs and straight to the kitchen as that's where the back door was. As I head outside  the outdoor light turns on. I pause for a moment praying they think it's the dog. No-one cares. I make my way to the shed to grab the rope from there. I use my phone torch as I shiver to find the rope, I never used to like the shed because of all the spiders but now I don't care. I finally find the rope and retreat. I head toward the singular tree in our garden. I turn my phone torch off and place it beside the tree trunk. I throw the rope over the tree and tie a noose. I laugh nervously thinking to myself, "I'm so fucked up in the head, I'm literally crazy" 

I breathe in, then breathe out. I stood for a moment. Do I actually want this or do I want all the pain to leave and never return? then again I wouldn't be me without all my trauma and pain, it's basically my personality at this point. Right, stop delaying before one of them reads the note and stops me. 

3.35 AM I slip the loop around my neck and that was it. I struggled for a while until I allowed it. I was drifting in and out of consciousness from the loss of blood and the fact I was hanging myself. 3.45 AM After too long of a wait, I was dead. The last thing I heard was the window being opened.

Moments before death.

Riley and Tom finished watching their movie and head upstairs. The other three stayed in their rooms till morning. Nobody noticed the notes, they where all wrapped up in their own lives to notice what Daz was going through. 

The morning after:

6.45 am, riley is awake letting the Fluffy out. Riley screamed in shock and horror waking Will up. He rushed down the stairs, pushing his messy hair out of his face. "what's the problem?" he said sleepily. "it's, it's Dazza" riley sobbed pointing to the tree where Daz's body hung. "shit! No no no, this isn't happening, this is a bad dream, this is made up" he panicked trying to doubt himself. Riley ran upstairs crying to go wake the others and inform them their best friend is no longer alive. Baylee woke up first, he was confused at first, then he found out. he stayed silent as tears fell. "we're really shitty friends" he mumbles. 30 minutes pass, the police are now at the scene. Jamie walks into the Living room, where everyone is now sat talking to the police and ambulance service. "shit what has happened, did Daz try too off-themselves again" he questioned in a slightly joking manor to try lighten the mood. "Mr W*********, is it?" the Officer questioned. "Yeah? What's happened? What has Daz done this time?". The Officer looked at him with a saddened expression "You're the legal guardian of (*dead name*) H*****, correct?". Jamie looked confused, he'd never heard anyone say Dazza's full dead name before. "Yeah, that's right? where is he? Is he in trouble?". The police Officer looked at his colleague "Mr W, I think you should take a seat, this news maybe hard to hear." Jamie stared at the others in confusion with the tension in the room building he snapped. "no, what the fuck has happened to Daz?". The Officer sighed and then spoke. "Mr W, (*dead name*) killed themself last night, they hung them self". in the background Jamie heard Riley start to cry again. "wait, what?!" he sounded hurt and confused. "no, Daz wouldn't ever take it that far. right?". The two officers looked back at one another and said in unison "we're sorry for your loss, we have support groups available, we are now going to (*dead name's*) parents house to inform them on the death of their 'daughter'. We also found this assigned to you after searching the house for evidence". With that the 3 were alone to cope with their friends death. All of them had their note, they decided on opening and reading them together. For the first time in years, Jamie actually cried. They all took their friend for granted and now he's gone. 

"He didn't even say goodbye to us..." Baylee whispered trying to keep the room as quiet as possible. "he did" Will mumbled. "I knew something was up last night, he wouldn't randomly come see me and say I love you and ask for a hug if something wasn't wrong" he added, beating himself up over it. "Daz came to you all too?" Jamie questioned. They all nod in sync. "fuck, why weren't any of us smart enough to save him! were all so fucking stupid, he could be here with us right now making some shitty brother joke" Riley mumbled. 

A/N: if you ever feel low please reach out and get help, your life matters, you matter <3       

you can talk to me on sc @itz_dazzaa