𝖿𝖺𝗋 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒 - 𝖼.𝗒

♥︎♡ ! >﹏< 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝟰𝟯 !

"where did they go?" liv asks me.

i shrug, shaking my head. "she didn't say."

liv sighs. "well..." she says. "i don't know how to stop them. if they've vanished, then we're too late." she says.

i really have the most bitter taste in my mouth. i just feel so gross.

"but we can stop it from happening again." she says. "there's no way she can blackmail him for the rest of the summer. she can't control you. i won't let her."

"how?" i ask.

"look, i'll talk to her tomorrow." she says. "i'll talk to her tomorrow, and tell her what i know. i'll try to talk her out of doing this, but if she refuses, i know a few things about her. i could threaten to expose her for a lot of the shit she's done, and that would definitely make her back off."

i frown at liv slightly. "you'd really do that?" i ask her quietly. "isn't she like your best friend?"

she shakes her head. "a friend. but i definitely wouldn't classify her as a best friend. she's a psycho, honest to god. the only reason i'm so nice to her is so that she has no reason to go psycho on me." she says.

"but if you do this then she will-"

"i know." she says. "but yeonjun means more to me than she does. he doesn't deserve this shit, especially after everything he's been through with his dad." she says then she laughs while shaking her head at the ridiculousness of it all. "for god's sake, this evening was supposed to cheer him up. then she turns up and the whole thing goes to pot."

i look down, feeling overwhelmed by everything that's just happened. all i can think about is yeonjun and elena. there bare skin up against each other, their lips all over each other, their hands all over each other's bodies. the image makes me feel sick.

"hey." liv says quietly. "seriously, you're really pale, what's happening?"

i shake my head, about to speak but i can't articulate anything.

"hey, i think you should go home." she says. "trust me - this will get fixed, okay? i promise you."

i look up to her.

"i promise you."

so i took a taxi back to the house, and went straight upstairs to shower. maybe if i cleaned myself then i'd feel cleansed from the most unsettling and disgusting feeling imaginable. i facetimed my mom and chaeyoung for a bit, and i was a bit teary over the phone when i told them everything that happened over the weekend. i'm so overwhelmed with emotion, i couldn't help but cry and let it all out. obviously i didn't tell them about yeonjun and i kissing or anything that's happened with elena. luckily, chaeyoung had already seen the video. she showed it to mom, and was saying how amazing it was, which must have influenced her into reacting a bit more positively. i miss them a lot. they're both a bit bummed that they'll be missing my birthday while i'm here, and if i'm honest, i completely forgot about my birthday. so much has happened recently that i'd feel weird doing anything for my birthday.

when i hear the front door close, i instantly feel that unsettling feeling in my stomach. i stand at my bedroom door and open it, to see yeonjun walking up the stairs with his head down. he looks up briefly and we catch eyes, but he instantly looks away. his eyes are filled with guilt, and the fact he can even look at me or greet me upon his arrival makes my heart pump viscously inside me. i notice scratches on the back of his neck from elena's long acrylic nails and his hair is scruffier than usual. they just hooked up, didn't they? he just slept with elena.

i feel sick. i feel disgusting. i feel gross. i feel vulnerable. i feel empty. i feel absolutely awful. the boy who i'm falling for just slept with his ex. i hate this. i can't even articulate the feeling i have right now. it's like betrayal, except it's not. he did it so that i can stay here and so that we don't get exposed. but i feel gross thinking about what they just did. what if it's just made him want her again? that was her plan, wasn't it? she said that by the time she's finished with him, he wouldn't care about me anymore.

i flop onto my bed, staring at the ceiling. why do i feel so suck right now? he's just a guy. that i've kissed a few times. except he's not just a guy to me anymore. he's more than that. i know him, and understand him, and he knows me, and understands me. those kisses weren't just us getting caught up in the moment - there were genuine feelings there. i'm falling for him. it's only been like two weeks, and i'm falling completely. the worst part is - i don't know if he's falling for me. what if he's just re-sparked feelings for elena, and he's just going to forget all about me?

there's a knock at my door, but i don't respond to it. i feel in no shape to talk to anyone. it opens, and juwon's voice goes "something has happened, hasn't it?"

i lift my hands up to my face as i'm sprawled across the bed. "what gave it away?" my muffled voice responds through my hands.

"well for a start, you came home separately." he says. "you shut yourself in your room all evening, and he's just locked himself in the bathroom."

i sigh, taking my hands off my face as i stare at the ceiling. "we got caught." i say to him.

i feel him sit down on my bed next to me. "by who?" he asks urgently.

i shake my head to myself. "the worst possible person."

he pauses. "elena?" he asks hesitantly.

i lift my hands to my face again. don't cry. don't cry. don't cry.

"oh shit." he says. "what happened?"

i just shake my head behind my hands.

"is she telling the school?" he says.

i shrug my shoulders. "the power is in her hands." i say. "she's blackmailing us."

"how? what's she making you do?"

i sigh. "it's not me. it's yeonjun. they just-" i cut myself off. please don't choke up into tears. this poor boy has already had a tough day, i don't need to make it worse. i'm so pathetic. why am i such a mess?

"did they just hook up?!" he whispers in shock.

i just nod with my eyes closed.

"what the fuck? that bitch is a complete psycho. he shouldn't have gone through with it-"

"he had to." i say. "otherwise she said i'd be on the next plane home. our exchange programme would be over."

"what?" he says. "but i don't want you to go home."

"i don't want to go either." i say.

i hear him scoff with frustration from beside me. "surely there's something we can do." he says.

"not really. yeonjun and i broke the rules. it's our fault it's getting out of hand. we shouldn't have kissed in the first place."

"it's a stupid rule." juwon says. "who are they to decide who can and can't be together?" he says. "ever since you got here, he's been so different. usually he'd just be out constantly getting up to no good, but since you're here, he's been happier. he's been joking around and been more talkative." he says. "it's so obvious that you're good for him, so for the programme to make up that stupid rule is so wrong." he says. "they can't do it."

"well they can." i say. "and they did."

he flops down beside me. "i don't want you to go." he says quietly.

i turn my head to face him, and he turns his head to face me. i love this kid. why is juwon just the perfect person?

i hold his hand down by my side, squeezing it tightly. i close my eyes, exhausted with all of this emotion, feeling overwhelmed. why isn't yeonjun talking to me? why hasn't he approached me to tell me what happened? why hasn't he tried to reassure me that there's nothing between him and elena? why isn't he telling me that it's all going to be okay? is he trying to make me panic? is he trying to make me upset? because it's working. i feel a physical pain in my chest. with my eyes closed tightly, i just wish this whole situation could go away. i hate it. i hate it all.