𝖿𝖺𝗋 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒 - 𝖼.𝗒

♥︎♡ ! >﹏< 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝟱𝟳 !

when we enter the house in silence, the front door closes behind us and then siwoo starts to shout. i've never heard her shout.

"yeonjun, i've had it up to here with you!" she blurts out, and i flinch, feeling small. "you just can't ever follow simple rules, you always have to be rebellious and get yourself in trouble!" she says, probably just so overwhelmed by everything that has happened recently, and now everything is falling apart even more.

"mom, i wasn't trying to be rebellious, it's not like that." yeonjun says back. "look, i'm sorry. i just..." he looks at me. "mom, we've been into each other these past few weeks, we can't help it, they can't force us apart-"

"it was one simple rule. you just couldn't keep your hands to yourself-" she's saying, getting flustered and exhausted by it all.

"please, it's not all his fault." i say to her quietly, scared that she'll shout at me too. "it was me too, we both broke the rule."

"and we didn't just do it for the sake of being rebellious, we actually..." he pauses, not sure which word to select. "we actually really do care about each other, mom. we've not just been fooling around, and if you must know, we never actually hooked up." he says. "i asked her to be my girlfriend last night because it's not just rebellious hooking up, it's...real. it's more than that." he says to her.

she looks at her son. her eyes travel his face, like she can't believe those words just came out of his mouth. i'm guessing he's not the type to admit to romantic feelings and seem caring and talk about a girl that way. she seems like she's genuinely in shock.

"what happened?" juwon comes running down the stairs, as if he heard about what went down in the hallway. news travel fast.

"it's over." i say to him quietly.

"what?" he says, with the most crushing expression. "you're leaving?"

"tomorrow." i nod, swallowing so i don't choke up and cry.

his lips part and he just looks at me with furrowed eyebrows and blank eyes. he instantly comes at me, hugging me tight, and i scrunch up my face in attempt to keep the tears away. it doesn't work. i can feel my tears soaking through his top as my face is buried in his shoulder. i hold on to him tight, knowing that after tomorrow, i'll never feel him hugging me again.

"this is bullshit." he says, and his mom doesn't even bother to tell him off for swearing. "they can't force you two apart, it's so wrong." he says in frustration.

"juwon, you knew about them?" siwoo asks, half angry, half shocked.

"well yeah, i knew about them even before they did." he says, like it should have been easy to spot from the beginning. "they're literally meant for each other, mom, it's so obvious, and anyone who tries to rip them apart because of one stupid rule is just a complete asshole." he says. "they can't do this. you can't go. this can't be over." he says, still in denial of the whole thing.

"it's too late now." i say to him quietly. "the school board already made it official. flights are being arranged and everything." i say.

i see his jaw clench. he's definitely yeonjun's brother. they both have this face, this face when they're mad or upset, or unable to accept something. they share the same thick eyebrows which shadow over their black eyes. he just clenches his jaw, shakes his head to himself before running back up the stairs in silence.

the initial anger that siwoo had has washed away. now she's just looking glum. "who am i kidding? you're teenagers." she says. "you can't force you two apart even if you tried, it's just a shame it has all turned out like this." she says. "chaewon, you've been such a pleasure, and even though i doubt you'll ever be allowed, you're always welcome in our home." she says.

that makes me feel warm and empty at exactly the same time.

"come here." she says, opening her arms.

i step forward and she wraps her warm arms around me. this woman is everything. i'm going to miss her. i'm going to miss jihye. i'm going to miss juwon like mad. and my god, what the hell am i going to do without yeonjun? he's not just my exchange partner, i feel like he's part of me now. we're stuck. him and me. stuck. i feel so unimaginably crushed that this is now going to be the end.

later in the day, after dinner when the house is filled with this horrible darkness and i've packed all of my things ready for tomorrow, i'm lying across yeonjun's bed with him, and we just hold onto each other tight. everyone has gone to bed. i don't want to let go. we face each other. his eyes are travelling my face and he tucks my hair back behind my ear. i just gaze into his eyes. tomorrow i go. this is our last night together. ever. the last time i'll be lying on his bed with him. probably the last time i'll ever be alone with him. i watch his hypnotic eyes as they travel my face, and feel a tear slide across my cheek. he brushed his thumb softly against it to wipe it away, before he gently holds the back of my neck, and he kisses me slowly. my hand goes to his hair, running my fingers through it softly. he rolls slightly, so his body is over mine, as though i'm trapped. he doesn't want me going anywhere. he wants me to stay right here, right where i am. i don't want to go.

this is literally probably our last ever time alone together. i don't want to waste any moment of it. our kiss becomes more passionate, more urgent, more heated. he breaks the kiss, looking down at my face meaningfully, asking me something with his eyes. we're both thinking the same thing, and i nod my head slightly. he rises up, pulling his top off over his head. i feel my heart beating sort of nervously but sort of not. this is supposed to be exciting, a beginning, but it's more so sad. it's more of a goodbye. he kisses me slowly again, and i feel the heat of his body on mine. his hands gently run up my body, removing my clothes. i don't want to leave him. i don't want this to be the end.