A Reason To Go On

Chapter 5

Waking up the next morning my eyes felt sore and heavy, Ive hardly slept, i just keeping going over last night and how Jayden could use and reject me. I know my mum has called me several times asking me to get up but i just cant physically move, it feels like if i move i will break further and i just cant deal with anymore pain, so i stay curled up in a ball hoping to become invisible so my mum will forget im there. Obviously the moon goddess has other plans, i didn't hear my mum come in my room, the next thing i know my mum is pulling my covers off me. I peak one eye open to look at her and see her face looking very concerned staring down at me "Alexia you look really sick, your still very pale and your eyes look swollen, have you been crying?" I open both eyes so i can see her a little better and try to respond "I'm fine" i say but my voice comes out sounding scratchy, "maybe we should take you to see the pack doctor?" she asks. At this i start freaking out, i cant go back to the pack house not now, i cant risk bumping into Jayden, I'm not ready for that. "Its ok if your afraid of doctors, ill go with you" obviously my mum mistook my panic for fear of the doctor, as Ive never really got sick, Ive never had to see the doctor as a patient, i can see why my mum would come up with this conclusion. "I just need rest" i tell her, she still looks sceptical but nods her head "ok then, stay in bed and i'll call work and stay home with you" i really don't want my mum hovering over me all day, i just need time to get myself together on my own "no mum go to work, ill call you if i get worse", she still looks unsure but as Ive never given her any reason to not trust me before she reluctantly agrees and leaves my room.

Waiting until both my parents have left the house, Ive already text Casey telling her I'm not coming to school, i drag myself up and into the shower. The shower feels wonderful relaxing my aching muscles, i cant help when the water is caressing my skin comparing it to how Jayden had caressed my body last night. He was so gentle with me the whole time, granted they was a slight pain at first, but then the pain turned to a pleasure i never knew even existed. Something cold hits my skin and i realize i must have been daydreaming too long as the water is now freezing. I quickly turn the shower off and get out, my whole body is shaking and i feel like the cold is touching my bones, i quickly get dressed in some comfy jogging bottoms and a hoodie and climb back into bed wrapping the quilt around me. 'I still cant believe our mate rejected us' my wolf states randomly, 'i know i honestly thought after what we did last night he would except us, his eyes showed love, so I'm not sure what happened' i replied back to her. 'His wolf did want us, its just his human that didn't', i thought about this wondering if what my wolf said was true. You see as werewolves, we have our human side and our werewolf side, sometimes both personalities are different, for example I'm shy and quiet, but my wolf is strong, stubborn and determined. Because i control her its my personality that comes through, but if i give that power to my wolf, i would have her personality traits. Normally though despite different personalities, our wolves and ourselves always agree especially on major things, so for my wolf to tell me that Jaydens wolf is unhappy and doesn't agree with his decision, hes going to have problems with his wolf, if his wolf even talks to him again. Ive heard your wolf can do this to you if you really upset them, and it feels like apart of you is missing if this happens.

Its now 2pm and i haven't moved all day, my wolf has been telling me to be strong and that the moon goddess obviously has other plans for us if our mate rejected us, shes trying to keep me positive and I'm so grateful for her. 'Lets go for a run' my wolf says, i think about it and maybe that would help, Ive always loved running in wolf form, the freedom is exhilarating. Agreeing i walk down the stairs and out of the house. I enter the woods after a couple of minutes walking, i quickly strip down and let my wolf come out. My wolf is a dark brown colour like my hair and i have a black stripe running down both my sides. I'm not sure how long we run for, but when i get back home its dark and the lights are on in my house, so i know my parents are home. I'm feeling a little better, i cant say I'm happy as that would be lie, but after talking to my wolf she tried to get me to be positive, maybe shes right, i might get to college and meet another mate. Ive heard if your rejected you might get a second chance mate, but I'm not sure how true this is as wolves being rejected is really rare, i just have to get through senior year, and then ill be free, and i never have to see him again.

The next morning i get up and complete my morning routine, quickly get down stairs, my mum looks surprised to see me down so early as she hasn't even had to shout me yet, i grab a granola bar for breakfast and sit down at the kitchen table "do you not want me to make you some pancakes this morning?" she asks, "I'm still not feeling one hundred percent mum so I'm not sure if my stomach can handle anymore than the granola bar" i reply. "Are you sure your ok to go back to school, you color still hasn't fully returned" "I'm fine mum i told you last night that i was feeling better, and my appetite will come back soon" i promised her. "Anyways wheres dad?" i ask changing the subject, "he had to go into work early today" she replied. We continued to make small talk until Casey came in through the front door. She ran straight up to me throwing her arms around me tightly "are you ok now? i was so worried, you never have days off school, what was the matter?" she manages to get out before taking a breath. "Calm down Casey, I'm fine now, i just had a bug or something, now lets go to school", we both say bye to mum and head out to Casey's car.

School goes by surprisingly quickly, i haven't seen Jayden today which I'm glad about, i head to my locker at the end of the day to grab my things and then start heading toward the parking lot to meet Casey. I open the double doors that lead outside and I'm greeted to the sight of Jayden passionately kissing Harmony on the school steps, i stand there frozen to the spot, my chest has a slight pain, which i think must be from Jayden breaking my heart that little bit more. He must of sensed someone looking at him because the next thing i know, he looks up at me and smirks, then kisses Harmony again, that breaks me out of my frozen state and i quickly rush down the stairs. 'Stay strong, do not let people see you cry, just keep going' my wolf tells me. I finally make to Casey's car and thank the goddess that's shes already sat in it waiting for me, i jump in and say "drive", if i wasn't so upset i would think it was quiet amusing using the famous getaway line, Casey not sensing my distress bursts out laughing "what bank did we just rob?" she says between gasps. "Please Casey drive", finally looking at me she asks "what happened?" "i'll tell you on the way home just get us out of here first please", with a quick nod we drive away, leaving pieces of my shattered heart back at the school.