A Reason To Go On

Chapter 10

Alexia's POV

I cant believe today is my birthday, i was wondering if i would actually survive to see my 18th birthday. The short reprieve i got over Christmas is long gone, and it takes all my energy just to continue with my daily routine, just getting out of bed makes my whole body ache, i barely sleep anymore, when i told Jayden to stop sleeping with girls during school time, i never expected it to get worse.

Flashback

Ive been back at school a couple of weeks now since the Christmas holidays, Casey and i are sat in the library eating lunch, everything was going fine. I was actually enjoying my lunch today, which is unusual for me, recently Ive gone off a lot of foods, and most of my evening meals don't stay down, so i was thinking today was going to be a good day. How wrong i was, one minute I'm talking to Casey and enjoying my lunch, and the next my chest constricts and I'm gasping for air, i know what happening of course, I'm used to the pain, but its so unexpected that it literally makes me fall of my chair in pain. I feel Casey's arms around me rocking me like a small child, i see black spots in front of my eyes, and think I'm going to pass out when the pain just stops. I thank the goddess that he made it quick, but i just cant believe he would start sleeping around in school. Ive got my routine worked out, and hes messing with it, normally i can handle the pain much better, but as i wasn't expecting it, it took me by surprise. Casey sits me back in the chair, i can see it in her eyes she knows whats happened, but I'm still too stunned to say anything. I look around to make sure no one saw me, and I'm glad that no one needed to get a book this lunch so its just Casey and i. "I cant believe that Jerk" Casey whispers to me, i just nod my head agreeing with her not being able to speak yet. The rest of the day goes by in a blur, i feel so drained, so when i finally make it home I'm grateful. "Maybe it was a once off, and ill get a reprieve this afternoon?" i say to Casey hopefully. She looks unsure on what to say, so we just head upstairs to my room, as soon as i sit down the pain in my chest returns, i roll into the fetal position and try to control my breathing, this normally helps with the pain, and stops me from blacking out, unfortunately I'm too drained and my breathing becomes erratic, i feel the darkness surround me and taking me with it.

I'm not sure how long I'm out for, but when i come too Casey is sat next to me looking worried "Alex you scared me, you've been out for nearly two hours, i thought i was going to have to call your mum or dad" wow two hours is my first thought, then i register what she said about my parents. "You cant tell my mum or dad you promised! What would you even tell them?" i ask her, she looks at me debating on what to say, i know its unfair relying on my best friend so much, but shes the only one i can talk too. "I'm sorry you just really scared me Alex, you've already started losing weight again, and i don't want to lose my best friend", i notice she has tears in her eyes, and it makes me realize just how much i scared her. "I'm sorry Casey, i don't know what i would do without you" i tell her, "lets just see how the rest of the week goes and if this continues i will tell my parents" She looks so hopeful about me telling my parents, i guess shes really worried about me. "Fine Alex, this week and then we tell your parents if you continue getting worse" "agreed" i tell her.

Unfortunately the rest of the week goes by the same, every lunch time i collapse in agony, by the time i get home im so drained, i pass out not long after i get home, because Jayden decides hes not had enough sex for the day. By the time Friday rolls round, I'm exhausted, my wolf keeps my body moving, so i can go through my daily routine, after the pain finishes this lunch time though Ive decided Ive had enough, i stand as quickly as my body will allow, and tell Casey i need to speak to my mate. She looks a little shocked but agrees to come with me. I know where he'll be and sure enough as I'm waiting behind the lockers i see Shannon exiting the Janitor closet, rather then wait for Jayden to come out i march into the closet, leaving a stunned Casey behind. Shutting the door i look up at Jayden's shocked face, "i know you rejected me as you mate and that's fine, but can you please stop sleeping with your whores on school property?" im not sure where my confidence is coming from, or if its the fact that if he doesn't agree Casey will insist on telling my parents and i just don't want them to know, either way im grateful to finally be able to say something with confidence. Jayden is still looking at me shocked, so i continue "If you don't stop during school, I'm going to tell your dad" i threaten knowing that if i have to tell my parents, then his will find out also. He just nods his head at me and i storm out of the closet, after i reach Casey my energy seems to have gone and i slump next to her, i tell her our agreement and even though she still doesn't look convinced, she agrees to keep quiet as long as he sticks to it.

End of flashback

Surprisingly Jayden did stick to our agreement, and I'm sure your probably wondering why it got worse for me then? Well the problem is the past 3-4 weeks hes started getting some evening entertainment too if you know what i mean. The only good thing is that no one hears my pain, i manage to eat a little food every evening and escape to my room before he can get to his 'friends' house. I haven't told Casey about whats been happening in the evenings, shes worried enough as it is. I was barely managing to keep going with his afternoon escapades but now my body only gets a break for three hours, between his afternoon and evening enjoyment, and the pain in a million times worse in the evening too. I'm back to not looking in the mirror at all now when i get out of the shower, i know i look like a walking skeleton. My parents have also become concerned about me, noticing the weight loss, but not the full extent of it, i brush them off saying its just stress over my senior year, but i don't think i can use that excuse forever. Ive become so depressed that Ive thought about ending my life, i know its hard to kill a werewolf but not impossible, the only problem is i don't think i could do that to my parents, brother and Casey. My wolf tries to stop me from thinking these type of thoughts, but I'm finding it harder everyday. Ive not been able to transform into my wolf since the Christmas break, so its been four months and my wolf seem to be getting weaker everyday.

Anyway back to my birthday, my mum has invited the Alpha and his family for a birthday meal, at first i was panicking with the thought of Jayden being here, but my mum said he cant make it which I'm glad about. Trying to get out of bed again i manage to get myself in a sitting position, i stand slowly making sure my legs will support my weight and head to the shower to get ready. Ive been asleep for most of the day, i told my mum i wasn't feeling 100% and she was going to cancel the meal, but knowing that's shes made the effort and bought food in especially for tonight i insisted that i just needed more rest. Dragging myself out of the shower i slowly get dressed in some jeans and a hoodie, the whole time my bones creak in protest about being moved. I know every ones downstairs waiting for me, i heard the Alpha and his family arrive about an hour ago, and ive just heard Casey come in. Walking downstairs and into the lounge i see Alpha Roaul, he smiles up at me "Happy birthday Alexia, Ive heard you're not feeling very well, are you feeling better now?" seeing the concern in his eyes makes me feel guilty.I know dad's mentioned that Alpha Roaul is still concerned that his son hasn't found his mate yet, and wonders if he'll ever find her. Hiding behind my hair i reply "I'm fine now sir, i was just a little tired, nothing to worry about". Looking at the rest of our guests i see Moira his wife sitting next to him, my dad is sat in his favorite chair and Hope, Jaydens sister is sat in the other chair. "Your mum and Casey are in the kitchen, finishing the food" my dad answers my unspoken question. "Ok ill go give them a hand", turning around to head back through the hallway to go into the kitchen, my chest starts tingling, oh no not right now i plead to the goddess, unfortunately my prayers not answered and i can fell the pain increasing in my chest, not wanting anyone to see me like this, i decide to go to my room until its over.

I managed to drag myself upstairs, unfortunately i just don't have the energy to make it to my bed, I'm too tired, and too weak. I lay in the fetal position clutching my chest as i wait for the pain to subside, its dark outside and even with my werewolf sight i cant see much. My tears continue to flow as i silently sob waiting for the pain to be over, I'm not sure how long Ive been laying on my bedroom floor waiting, time seems to blur and slow down, when the pain in my chest eases off i feel like i can finally breathe again. I lay a little longer just so i can be sure the pain in my chest is going to stay away before i try to sit up, after a little longer i get myself in a sitting position next to my bed, the moon light is now shining in my room, and my vision is returning to normal after my tears have finally stopped. I rub my sweaty hands down my jeans, and that's when i notice the blood. I can feel myself panicking, i don't remember banging myself on my way upstairs, the blood is soaking through my trousers and in my panic my breathing comes out in gasps. "Mum" i attempt to shout although it comes out as barely a whisper, i try to stand up but i cant get my body to cooperate, knowing i need help, i try to control my breathing "mum" it comes out louder this time, i hear my mum coming up the stairs, but i can barely keep my eyes open, just as the light from the hallway enters my room with the door being opened, blackness consumes me.