A Reason To Go On

Chapter 39

Jayden's POV

Its been a couple of week since we got Ryder back and although Alexia has now moved back into the house, things are far from great. She moved back in after a couple of days off her staying with her parents, and made a point of saying she was only coming back for Ryder's sake. Everything so different now though, we used to get up together both trying to reach Ryder's room first, but now if Alexia knows I'm in there she goes downstairs instead. Its killing me that she seems to be keeping herself from me, i cant even work out what shes thinking most of the time, its like shes shut her emotions off. 

Over the past couple of weeks its also given me time to think about my own action, when Alexia first accused me off shutting her out first i was confused. I didn't know what she was talking about, all i remembered was that i needed to find my son. Upon further refection i realized that she was right, when i wasn't looking for Ryder i never tried to offer her comfort, i was that ashamed with myself that i didn't protect my son i subconsciously shut everyone out. I knew she was hurting over Ryder being gone, and this made me feel like the worst mate in the world, how could i comfort her when i'd failed them both?

My father also called a pack meeting once Ryder was found safe, he informed everyone of what happened, and to say they were shocked about what happened would be an understatement. After the meeting a girl named Lucy came forward, she explained that she'd been talking to Harmony on the phone regularly and blamed herself for Ryder being kidnapped. I explained that it wasn't her fault, but i could see in her eyes she didn't believe me, she looked so devastated and all i could think was that Harmony has managed to ruin someone else's life too with her lies.

Ive also spoken to Thomas since we got back, he claimed the Alpha title of his old pack, and although they were all wary of his motives at first, most have now welcomed him with open arms. He actually surprised me by not asking about how Harmony was doing, and although i know he has to be hurting over what his mate did, hes trying to remain strong. Hes invited us to visit once he has everything up and running, apparently there's a lot of work to do, including building new houses, as a lot was destroyed in the rebellion. Thomas is a really nice guy and i know he still feels guilty about what he did to my pack but in the future he will be a good ally for our pack.

Tonight Alexia's mum and dad have offered to look after Ryder for us so we can sit down and talk about what we are going to do. Alexia refused at first not wanting to let Ryder out of her sight, but after my mum and dad said they would be there too, she agreed with the stipulation that they bring him back later as she doesn't want him gone all night. I cant help feeling apprehensive about us actually sitting down and talking, after nearly two weeks of her pretty much giving me the silent treatment i know things need to change. As much as i love Alexia i cant continue living this way, always having to walk on egg shells around her. I admit me sleeping with Harmony was my fault, but i never thought she would take things that far by taking Ryder. Alexia has put all the blame for this on my shoulders, and at first i accepted the blame, but after thinking about it i realized that it wasn't all my doing. I refuse to spend the rest of my life trying to make up for something i had no control over, and i wont let Ryder grow up with parents that will ultimately resent each other if things don't get sorted.

"Alexia, I'm off to pick up the Chinese" i inform her while heading to the door, all i get in response is a 'mmmm', but at least she actually acknowledged my presence so that's something i suppose. Jumping into my car i head into town, normally i would get food delivered but I'm so stressed with how our talks going to go tonight, i just needed an excuse to leave the house for a little bit. Coming to a stop at a red light my eyes wonder over to the glove box, not giving myself time to second guess myself i reach in and pull the black velvet box out. Opening the box i stare intently at the diamond ring inside, wishing more than ever it was on Alex's finger instead of still in the box. I planned on asking her to marry me the night we made love, i wanted to finally mark her as mine and then drop down on one knee and propose. The night that should have been one of the best nights in my life turned into my worst when we were informed our son was taken. I was so hopeful that night we would finally be together as a family as it should have been in the first place, but know i cant help wondering if Alexia will ever accept me as her mate. I'm snapped out of my thoughts by someone bleeping their horn at me, looking up i see lights to my left approaching fast, i try to bring my car forward out of the other cars path, but even with my fast reflexes their not fast enough. I feel the impact as soon as the other car hits mine, the next thing i know I'm being thrown around my car like a rag doll as it flips over and over. Finally my car comes to a standstill, I'm vaguely aware of shouting voices before I'm consumed by blackness.