A Reason To Go On

Chapter 18

Jayden's POV

Its been just over a month since seeing Alexia for the first time, to say i was shocked with her decision would be an understatement. After she finished speaking her parents and i spent over an hour trying to convince her to take some time to think about her decision, but she wouldn't back down, in the end she ordered us all to leave. Shes not seen the baby since, and its killing me knowing that shes missing out, i take responsibility for everything i did to her, i just wish she would see what an amazing son she has and at least try to get involved in his life. The doctor said that shes suffering from severe depression, as well as postnatal depression, and her brain cant make rational decisions where the baby in concerned. Her parents have hired a therapist and shes been speaking to her nearly everyday. The main problem there having with Alexia is that when she thinks of our son, because he looks a lot like me her brain wont allow her to get past the hurt, and she cant see the baby on me and the hurt Ive caused her. Ive arranged to meet Alexia later today in a cafe, she didn't want to meet me, but i told her it was so we can sort out parental rights to our son, and its the only way to be fully free from me, she eventually agreed to the meeting as long as it was somewhere public, I'm hoping when i get there i can get her to change her mind, Ive come up with a plan and i just hope it works.

A lot has happened in the past month, after speaking to Alexia and realizing we were not going to change her mind anytime soon, i decided the first thing i needed to do was pick a name for our son. It actually took me two days to find the right one, i spent most of those two days holding my son while he slept and saying names out loud, trying to see if it would suit him but none seemed to fit. I finally thought of Ryder and when i said this, the baby opened his eyes as if to say, 'yep that's my name', of course it could have been his way of telling me to shut up as he was trying to sleep, but i like to think its the first option. So now hes named Ryder Caleb Roaul, my dad likes the name but my mum wasn't sure at first. He was also allowed to leave the hospital just over a week after i spoke to Alexia, making him a month old. Buying all the things he needed and setting up his nursery was a daunting experience to say the least, who knew a baby needed so much stuff? My mum and Hope helped sort most of it out for me, they were both in their element and love shopping for new things for Ryder, i can already tell hes going to be a spoilt rotton, and that's fine by me he deserves the best after everything hes been through.

We've had a couple of pack meeting since Ryder was born, the first one definitely didn't go as well as the second! In the first meeting, my dad informed the pack about what i'd done to Alexia, i remember seeing the shock and disgust on most of the packs faces after my dad finished talking. I know i deserved it and was gracious when various people came over to me at the end of the meeting to express how disappointed in me they were, some even had few other choice words, which i wont mention, but like i said i deserved them all. The biggest reaction came from one of my best friends Jackson, he basically couldn't believe i would do that to my mate. When i questioned him on his player ways also, he immediately informed me that hes only like that because he fears he will never find his mate, but when he does he will change completely and he would never reject her know matter who she it. I was shocked at this i never knew he was so desperate to find his mate, maybe i was too caught up in my own selfish to notice? I'm not sure if our friendship is going to survive, hes just so disappointed with my behaviour, but I'm hoping we will work it out eventually.

Our second meeting went better, because Ryder was finally able to leave the hospital, my dad arranged a meeting so the pack could meet him. We waited a few days first allowing him to settle in before meeting so many new people. At the meeting nearly everyone fell in love with him immediately, and Ryder seemed to enjoy the attention he was getting when he wasn't sleeping. We told the pack that Alexia is still poorly and that's why Ryder is staying with us, my dad is hoping like me and Alexia's family that she will change her mind, and we don't want people thinking bad of her. I was quite amused watching my mum proudly showing off her grandson and my dad wasn't much better. Alexia's parents attended the meeting also, we've been getting along better recently but i know its mainly because to see Ryder they need to come to my house, as Alexia doesn't want the baby going to her house.  

Getting Ryder's things together i go in search of my mum and Hope knowing that he will be with one of them if not both. They don't seem to want to put him down, my dad and i have tried to be stern with them but its hard when hes just so adorable! I know Ive become a push over, my sons only seven weeks old but he has us all wrapped around his cute little finger. My mum and dad have actually been helping me with him during the day as Ive got a home tutor so i can finish my senior year, dad wanted me to go back to school for the last few weeks but i couldn't bare the thought of leaving Ryder all day so we compromised. I do most of the night feed though, the first night my mum helped me, just to support me as i was freaking out a little, but everything went well. Entering the lounge i see mum sat next to Hope while Hope is cuddling Ryder who's asleep in her arms. I must admit even though Hope was really angry when she found out what i did to Alexia, she eventually forgive me and now we are closer than ever and shes a fantastic auntie. "Hope can you please put Ryder in his car seat as we need to leave soon, i just need a quick word with mum before i go" she agrees and leaves the room. "Have you got everything you need for Ryder in the bag?" my mum asks, she always worries I'm going to forget something, even though i can just come back if i do. "Yes mum Ive got it all, I just wanted to thank you for your support, and to let you know that I'm going to take you advice about speaking to Alexia about bonding with Ryder". Over the past month i know my mum and dad have both tried speaking to Alexia but so far shes still refusing to see him, my mum keeps encouraging me not to give up and her, and i don't plan on it. I promised my son i would make everything up to him, and i wont fail him. Giving me mum a quick kiss on the cheek i head to my car where Ryder is waiting, i check his car seat is in securely and thank Hope for her help, then set off to the cafe to meet Alexia.

After 15 minutes of driving we pull up at the cafe, i immediately scan the windows and notice Alexia sitting at a table, she doesn't notice me as she seems to be talking to someone. I open the passenger door and notice Ryder is now awake "Come on son, its time to get your mummy back", i tell him quietly, before entering the cafe to face Alexia.