A Reason To Go On

Chapter 38

Alexia's POV

Pacing the carpet of the pack house lounge i wait impatiently for Jayden to arrive, he called earlier to say that he found Ryder and would be home soon, but that was hours ago. "Alexia honey, why don't you sit down for a minute" Moira requests. I look over at the couch and see Moira and Hope looking at me worriedly, looking over at my mother she has the same look of worry on her face. "I'm fine guys, i just need to see my son, whats taking them so long anyway?" i ask no one in particular. I know i must look quite crazy to them right now, Ive been pacing for at least three hours, and nothing they've said to me has encouraged me to sit down and wait.

Finally hearing cars pull up i rush out of the house as quickly as my feet will allow, running over to the first car i see the fighters and warriors in it, so i rush over to the second car where my eyes immediately land on the car seat. Opening the door my sons sleeping face is the only thing i see, needing to feel him in my arms i unbuckle his straps and hold his as close to me as possible. I didn't even realize i was crying until i felt something dripping on my hand. Ryder stirs in my arms, and when i look down at him i see hes waking up, i watch him intently as he opens his perfect green eyes and gives me a small tired smile. I cry harder, feeling all the emotions Ive tried to suppress since he was taken rising to the surface. I don't notice anyone approaching until i feel the sparks spreading around my back, i look up to see Jayden staring at us both intently while his arms are wrapped around my waist. I bask in the feeling of safety his touch offers, and my wolf is purring at having her son back and her mates arms wrapped around us. I allow myself to trust in the safety of his arms and let my head fall back and rest on his shoulder, thankful that he got our son back as he promised he would.

Jayden starts trying to lead me in the house when i hear a voice i will never forget "You bitch, this is all your fault" i stiffen at hearing Harmony's voice wondering what shes doing here. Noticing my reaction Jayden calmly informs me "i will tell you everything, once we get inside." Not trusting my voice right now i simply nod my head and allow him to lead me inside. 

As soon as i enter the room I'm immediately bombarded with my mum, Moira and Hope all wanting to look at Ryder to see if hes alright, when my mum asks to hold him i cant help the growl that escapes my lips. "Sorry mum, my wolf wont allow anyone to hold him right now" i inform her shocked face. Understanding settles in her expression, knowing that my wolf is in Mama Wolf mode right now, and holding her pup is the only thing keeping her calm. I take a seat with Ryder securely in my arms, while i wait for Jayden and Derek to tell us why Ryder was taken in the first place. Over the past couple of weeks this has been the questions that's been running through my mind the most, i could never work out why someone would take my son in the first place. At first i assumed it was for money or something and they were holding Ryder for ransom, but then we never received any demands so i  was even more confused as to the rogues motives.

Finally the Alpha enters the room and he motions for Jayden to explain what happened, i notice a look of guilt in Jayden's eyes and cant help wondering what happened that would make him feel guilty. Surely his eyes should be showing pride or relief at finding our son, so why does he look so guilty? Finally Jayden starts explaining about a guy named Thomas, hes tells us about his mate lying to him, and insisting that Ryder was her baby, and how Thomas stole Ryder from us believing his mates lies, as the story progresses, i cant help feeling sorry for Thomas. Even though i don't know who his mate is, i already hate her more than anything else in the world. Even if she clearly needs help for her mental issues i cant muster up any compassion for her while i continue listening to what Jayden is saying. Finally he finishes and Moria asks the question that i was going to ask "do we know who his mate is?" I look over at Jayden and notice him stiffen at the question, his reaction confuses me, its not like what this girl said was true so why would he react like that? As Jayden still hasn't answered the question i look over at the Alpha, hes staring intently at Jayden, but once he feels my eyes on him he looks over at me. I plead with my eyes for him to answer the question, having a bad feeling in my gut that i might not like the answer. Finally he answer looking away from me "it was Harmony."

I feel my heart beat increase at the latest revelation, i always knew that Harmony wanted Jayden, but to go as far as lying to her mate and kidnapping my son is crazy. I never imaged she would go this far, and hearing the gasps from the others in the room i know that they never thought she would be capable of something like this either. As i sit silently trying to process what would drive someone to commit such a deranged act, i feel sparks running down my arm. Looking up i see that Jayden is stood in front of me rubbing my arm soothingly, but all i can think is that if he never slept with Harmony in the first place this would never have happened. Why couldn't he be one of the males that saves himself for when he meets his mate? Instead i got a man whore, and i cant help wondering if this is what my life is going to become, wondering if any of his other conquests are going to come after myself or Ryder, trying to win him back? I cant live my life watching over my shoulder waiting for another women Jayden's scorned to come after my son again.

Standing up quickly i tell my mum that i want to go home with her and dad, she looks taken back by my request but nods her head in agreement anyway. "Alexia please don't do this, I'm sorry for what Harmony did, i didn't know she would go this far, you have to believe me" he pleads. I make the mistake of looking at him and i can see the devastation in her eyes, hes got tears running down his cheeks and his beautiful green eyes are already becoming red and puffy. Looking away i inform him "I need some space to work out how i feel about this. If you never slept with her in the first place none of this would ever have happened." 

"Don't you think i don't already know this?" he shouts "I know that this is my fault and there's nothing i can do to change the fact that i slept with Harmony, but i need you Alexia, i need you and my son, please don't leave me."

Taking a deep breathe i tell him what I'm feeling "I'm scared Jayden, what happens if one of the others you slept with tries to do the same thing? I cant be looking over my shoulder always wondering if someone else will take Ryder away from me again. I just need time Jayden to deal with everything that's happened, just give me time"

"I can help you Alexia, if you would just let me in, i can help. Mates are made for each other and they are also there when their other halves need them, just let me be there for you" he pleads.

"Like you were there for me when Ryder was taken? I needed you then but you were no where to be seen, even when you weren't out searching for Ryder you never tried to offer me comfort. It was like you thought you were the only one that was hurting, but i was hurting too Jayden. I didn't know who had Ryder and what they wanted with him, i needed you to hold me any tell me that everything was going to be ok, even if it wasn't, but instead i dealt with it on my own" i inform him as more tear stream down my face.

He seems shocked by what Ive just said, maybe he didn't realize that he was pushing me away? Unfortunately i was painfully aware of it, and I'm still hurt over the fact that he was never there for me, even though i was experiencing the same feelings of loss he was. Not waiting for his reply i rush to the door, knowing my mum left moments ago to get the car ready. 

Just as we are about to drive off Jayden rushes out of the house, "drive" i tell me mum, knowing that i need to get away from him for a little while, just until i can work out how i feel. I would never keep Ryder from him, so i know I'm going to have to sort this situation out, but for tonight at least, i just want to spend it holding my son.

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Hey guys, as promised i uploaded another chapter today, and then because i was on a roll i decided to continue writing, so you get two chapters instead. I know this chapter was a little short, but its just to set things up for my next chapter. Thanks for your comments, and hopefully i will get another chapter uploaded today. Don't forget to comment and let me know what you think, and thanks to all those that have been voting - x