A Reason To Go On

Chapter 41

Alexia's POV

Its been nine days since Jayden had his car accident, and sitting here beside his bed i cant help the feelings of impotence on my part, i feel absolutely useless, knowing that i cant do anything to wake him up. I promised myself that i wouldn't cry anymore, but yet as i sit here staring at his peaceful face, i can feel the tears pooling in my eyes. Ive cried so much over the last few days, the realization that i love him and need him with me hit me hard, and then with the unexpected pregnancy, it seems my emotions are all over the place.

Last night i was sorting through some of Ryder's toys and i came across a monkey teddy bear, Jayden bought him when we went out for the day to the zoo. Thinking back to that day, it felt like a life time ago, instead of mealy weeks. We've been through so much since then,most of it bad, so thinking back to a happier time, had me clutching to the teddy for dear life, as i sobbed unrestrained for how my life is spiraling out of control, and i can do nothing to stop it.

Looking at him now, even with the bandages covering some of his face, hes still the most beautiful and breathe taking person Ive ever laid eyes on. I can picture what our life could be like, with two children, getting married and living happily together. Then self doubt slip into my mind, and i wonder if Jayden still wants me as much as i want him. I know hes told me he loves me time and time again, but i cant help feeling maybe hes changed his mind, and his feelings have changed. 

Shaking my head at the path of my thoughts i go in search of the doctor, so far shes given Jayden a couple of brain scans, the first showed swelling on his brain, but a couple of days later, the swelling had reduced. I need to know why if the swellings reduced, he still hasn't opened his eyes. I know shes explained that he'll wake up when his bodies ready, but sitting here staring at him is making me anxious, and i need her to reassure me again that he will eventually wake up.

Jayden's POV

I feel like I'm having an out of body experience, floating around surrounded by light, i try to move, but every part of my body feels heavy. I try to recall why my body is feeling like this but my mind is blank, like a fog is clouding my brain. I keep trying to move frustrated that my own body wont obey, the feeling of weakness is new to me, and i cant help but feel angry at myself. I see the blankness approaching my body again, and though i try to stay in the light, where i can bask in the warmth, eventually my body succumbs back into the darkness.

Returning back to the light this time feels different then the others times, i can vaguely hear the sound of beeping, which wasn't present before. I try to move my body again, but its still not cooperating with my demands, instead of getting angry i try to remain calm. Trying again, I'm happy with i feel my arm moving, i feel pain shooting up my shoulder and in my chest, and wonder whats happened to cause this.

Finally after several attempts, my eyes open and i have to immediately shut them as the lights in the room penetrate through my eye. Opening my eyes again slowly i try to accustom my eyes to the sight of light again, and have to blink a few times, so my vision is cleared. Finally looking and actually seeing, i notice that I'm in a hospital room. I can see several wires attached to my arms, and when i blink again, i realize i can only see out of one eye. I close my eyes again, trying to work out how i go here, when i hear the sound of the door opening and closing.

Keeping my eyes closed for a few more moments, not wanting to startle the person who's just arrived,  I'm about to reopen my eye, when i smell the most amazing scent, and instantly know its Alexia in the room. My curiosity is piqued, wondering why she would be here, especially when we were barely talking. I remember getting Ryder back, and Alexia and i arguing, she eventually moved back in to the house with me, but everything was tense. Then my mind goes blank, and i cant recall what could have happened to me, that would cause me to be in the hospital.