A Reason To Go On

Chapter 33

Jayden's POV

Its been fifteen days since the rogues came to the pack house, attacked my family and then took my son. We are currently at the Shadow Creek Pack searching their territory as they picked up the scents of the rogues and called my father straight away. This is the third time one of the Alpha's of another pack has called telling us they picked up the scents, but every time we've gotten here and search their land with their packs help we cant find more than a trace of them. Its like the rogues are ghosts, you can smell them occasionally, but no ones actually seen them. I'm not sure why they keep moving around, maybe they are trying to throw us off the trail? "Jayden, there clearly not here, lets head back home" my father announces through the mind link. Even in wolf form my shoulder still slump slightly, every time we've gotten a call informing us that their scents were found, we rushed to get there, spending a couple of days searching, and then finally we all come to the same conclusion that they are no longer here, and we need to head back. The first couple of calls we received i felt happy that we were going to find him, but now all i feel is doubt creeping into my mind. I cant help feeling that maybe this is my punishment for the way i treated Alexia in the past, how could i not? Everything has been going great between us, i finally tell her how i feel and then the same night our son is taken.

Shifting back to my human form, i quickly put on the pair of shorts id tired around my leg and go and thank the Alpha before we leave. So far all the Alpha's have been amazing, not one has refused to co-operate and help us look, and i feel grateful that we are surrounded with other amazing packs. This situation has only made are alliance's with them, that much stronger. "Jayden I'm so sorry that you didn't find your son, if we get any more information we'll call, good luck" Alpha Robinson says while holding out his hand for me to shake. "Thank you Liam for everything your pack has done to help with the search. We'll keep you updated with any news" i tell him honestly. "And don't forget when you find him, and i know you will, i expect and invitation to meet the little guy" Alpha Liam Robinson says while chuckling. Over the past couple of day, we've become quite close, as hes only 21 it helps, there's not much difference in age between us. Ive told him a lot about Ryder and showed him pictures, and now just like the other two Alpha's who Ive spoken to and spent time with, he wants to meet Ryder when we find him.

Sitting in the back of the car heading home, my eyelids keep trying to close, Ive not slept more than a couple of hours at a time since he went missing, and the lack of sleep is really taking a toll on my body. The fact Ive hardly eaten is not helping either, and my mum and dad have both expressed how concerned they are about me, the problem is when i do eat i end up bring it back up due to the stress of everything around me. The only good news Ive had is that Hope is doing better, her body is healing and she regained consciousness five days after Ryder was taken. The main problem with Hope is shes been having really bad nightmares about what happened, and those combined with the guilt she has about not being able to protect Ryder, are hindering her recovery. We've all spoken to her, but its like the words don't register, all i can hope for is that if we get Ryder back, seeing him will make her realize that hes fine. I'm grateful that Alexia has been spending quite a bit of time with her, Ive not seen her very often over the past couple of weeks, for what ever reason its become awkward between us, and at the moment i don't have the energy to fix it. Finally letting my eyes close i let the blackness consume me, knowing we will be driving for four hours, and not wanting to depress myself any further with the way my thoughts have been going. My last thought that registers is, where is my son?

Alexia's POV

Sitting next to Hopes bed watching her sleep, i cant help feeling grateful that shes managed to sleep for three hours now without screaming the place down as a nightmare takes hold of her. I cant help feeling guilty that shes in this situation, if Ryder was not at her house, would the rogues of attacked? We know they were after him and everything seemed planned down to the last detail, so if i would have kept him with me that night, would our house been attacked instead? I cant helping knowing in my heart that if Ryder was with us then Jayden and i would have been attacked instead, and honestly i would have preferred myself lying in the hospital bed from trying to save my son then Hope. God knows she only fourteen, and even though shes very mature i know she was still naive and innocent about most things in the world. What kind of psychological damage is this going to do her in the long term? I know they've already mentioned shes going to have to go into therapy, and i cant help wishing i could turn the clock back and protect her from this situation. 

"Hey is dad and Jayden back?" Hope whispers, i stiffen at the mention of Jayden's name, i just cant seem to stop the anger when ever i think about him. I know Ryder's missing and hes trying to get him back, but even when hes here, hes not actually 'here', if that makes sense. I look up at Hope and her sleepy green eyes and try to smile, unfortunately it come out more of a grimace. Her eyes are just like Ryder's and Jayden's, and the sight makes my chest tighten leaving me feeling hollow. "Not yet, your mum said they are on there way back, and will be here in a couple of hours" i finally reply.  Hope continues speaking in a whisper as she asks "is there any news?", i notice the small glimmer of hope in her eyes and it devastates me more knowing i have to answer her question. "No, there's no sign of them or Ryder" i say and cant help the tear that disobeys me and slips down my cheek. I promised myself i would try to stop crying in front of Hope because i don't want her feeling worse, but just saying my babies name out loud my body betrays me. I cant help worrying that they are doing something terrible to my son, and with that thought alone i have to hold back the gag, as the small amount in my stomach tries to force its way back up. Needing to be out of the room i quickly inform Hope that ill be back in a little while, i can see the disappointment in her face, but i need to get out of there so i can breathe again. Quickly allowing my feet to lead me forward, i make it outside just in time, retching near a tree as tears flow freely down my face. After i feel exhausted and slowly make my way to the next tree where i slump down. Bringing my knees up to my chest i place my head of top of my knees and just allow myself a moment to cry and grieve for the fact that someone out there has my son, they've taken him from me, and i still have no reason why. All i can think is that i wasn't destined for my happily ever after, after finally coming close to it happening I'm being punished. I find myself rocking back and forth as sobs wrack my body, i just feel so empty and alone. Even when I'm in a room full of people i still cant help but feel alone. I cant help wishing that Jayden was here to offer some comfort to me, but dismiss that thought knowing that he wouldn't. As i said earlier even when hes here hes not 'here', because i know that when he does get back in a couple of hours, he will lock himself in the office, and wait for news. If he becomes impatient with waiting he will shift and search our own territory, he never stops, and on the odd occasions Ive actually seen him with my own eyes, things seemed stained. Like it would be when two strangers meet for the first time and you feel really awkward not knowing what to say, that's how we've become. Finally feeling myself drifting off to sleep against the tree, my last thought is that i need my son, i need Ryder.

Unkown's POV

Its been two weeks since i reunited her with the baby, and i cant help feeling disappointed with how its going. She rarely wants to hold him, and never wants to feed him and so I'm left doing all the things she should be doing. I knew it would be difficult for her seeing him again, but aren't women suppose to have maternal instincts? I can only assume her behaviour is because we've had to move from territory to territory, trying not to get caught. Hopefully once we get to the house Ive set up, she will have the time needed to bond with him properly and then we can become the family i so desperately want us to be.