Always, Our Secret Dream 3

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉ℯ𝓇 𝒯𝓌ℯ𝓃𝓉𝓎－𝒮𝒾𝓍

Do you ever feel like a storm cloud is rapidly brewing above your head? Like at any given second the sky is going to open up and a torrential downpour will fall. Thunder and rain consume all of your senses until you are unable to think about anything other than the sound of the rain splashing against the ground. And the echo's of rumbling thunder in the wind. At some point, you have to make a call. Start the storm yourself or wait until the inevitable happens.

Me, I'm a girl who likes to get ahead of the game, grabbing the bull by the horns so to speak. I breathe in deeply trying to fill my lungs to the brim before exhaling. Repeating the process a couple of times before turning my attention over to him on the sofa.

'Are we going to talk about the storm clouds that are swirling around us?'

He doesn't respond for a long while just leaving my question in the air around us. Letting it fester between us, only this time it's worse as the conversation that he clearly didn't want to have has started. Pandora's box has been opened and it can never be closed and forgotten.

I understand that neither of us wants to talk about what's happened between us and Chris but I know if we ever stand a chance of working things out and getting things back to normal then we have to talk about it. Get everything out into the open. I'm not saying I'm going to be able to forgive him easily or that I even want to relive that shit that happened that night. But, deep inside me, I want Chris to be a part of our children's life.

They deserve to experience the carefree, fun-spirited, spitfire that is Chris Williams. My troubled best friend would give up a limb if it meant protecting or saving someone he loves. Maybe that's why this is so painful...

Ultimately, as a wife, friend and mother I will follow Bryan's lead regardless of how upsetting it will be. But, that doesn't mean I'm not going to follow my heart and hear him out before following Bryan's lead.

I know it's been hard on me, physically and mentally but I will never forget the trauma he had to endure. Watched in horror as his brother, someone he promised to protect and care for stumbles into the woman he loves more than life. Putting not only her life in danger but the life of his unborn children.

'I don't know, baby' The way he speaks softens my heart like he's been battling with what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it. Telling me that he isn't sure about what he want's couldn't have been easy. For him or me. I've always turned to him for advice and guidance in situations like these so without him knowing what to do it kinda puts me in limbo. 'Whenever I let my mind go back to that night ... I flicker between anger and guilt.'

'I know. It's not going to be easy to talk about but ignoring it isn't going to help solve anything. But' I sigh 'I want us all to move on without this hanging over us.'

My whole body hardens and locks into place as I watch his face contort and scrunch up into a deep, heavy frown. His eyes turned dark like the darkest depths of the ocean. Shutting down on every other emotion other than rage. And it's at this moment that I realise something I'd missed. He's been drinking, whiskey if I was to give it a guess. I'm not sure how I didn't realise. We've been joined at the hip nearly all day so he must have downed it behind my back.