Insatiably You | l.s.

Chapter 13

You didn't think I'd forget to dedicate a chapter to you, now did you, babe ;)

Often times we hear people saying that someone other than themselves is their anchor. That, a certain someone, is the reason why their feet are grounded to the floor and not soaring above it to cause themselves damage. That another human being is responsible for keeping them from tipping off their axis and, that same person is responsible for holding them down and bringing them back when the current becomes too rough for them to do it on their own. 

They say this and I've heard it time and time again, yet I have never once experienced it before. 

Sure I've felt safety by being in the arms of another person before, but until recently I've never felt anything close to that feeling people so fondly described to me. 

I've felt safety by being in my mother's arms before, I've felt it by being in Niall's arms as well as Liam's. And I've also felt that very same safety by being in Louis', however, at the same time, it feels completely different being in his, as opposed to being in my mother's ones or even the boys'.

As cliche, as it sounds, being in Louis' arms, feels as though for the first time in my life, I don't need to worry about anything. That there is finally someone else to share my burdens with and that, someone else is there to finally help me when I need it the most. 

It feels as though there is finally someone there to get me out of my head. And that there is finally someone there to hold me tight when my entire being is threatened to disintegrate into a million tiny particles. 

 It feels as though I'm receiving a breath of fresh air after being trapped underwater for so long. And it feels as though I'm finally getting salvation after years of ruin. 

It feels as though I am slowly being healed, and free to fly after my wings had been clipped for centuries. 

He makes me feel all these things by just being in his arms.

I don't know what to call this feeling as I had never experienced it before. I have no idea what it means for me, or what it would lead to. All I know is that, if this is what it feels like to have someone as your anchor and you being the rope to fill their gaping parts, I would want nothing else in the world than this.

I would want nothing else than what I have right now, and I would want to go through nothing else than I did if it meant waking up the way I was now. 

No matter how embarrassed I am due to him seeing me the way that I was, or how disgusted with myself, I am, I would still want nothing else than what I received if it meant being in his arms.

This morning I woke up to the feeling of soft, yet seemingly firm tugs on my curls and to the feeling of someone running their fingers through them, as though they were unaware of it, and simply just playing with my hair to soothe themselves. 

I woke up to the feeling of fingers gently grazing my scalp and where I would have usually been annoyed for being awoken so early, or panicked due to the unexpected touch after what had happened, I couldn't bring myself to be on this Friday morning.

I couldn't bring myself to be annoyed or even a bit scared when I heard the soft humming coming from the person above me. Nor could I have been mad when I felt a firm hand wrapped around my torso, gripping me as though I would escape from them like dust in the wind. 

I couldn't when I felt the soft breath fanning my neck and I especially couldn't when I felt the soft lips brushing my forehead when Louis thought I was still asleep.

I couldn't be mad when I smelt that comforting scent which lulled me into a sense of security countless times last night. And I couldn't when he would feel me tense up against him only to run his fingers down my spine causing me to relax again.