Insatiably You | l.s.

Chapter 8

From the most pristine, white sheets decorating my bed to having the best view of the backyard from my room, to having an entire floor for myself and Louis, I now have it all. 

I now have the best lighting in my room, and ample space in it to do my art. The newest cloths and fabrics to use for my new course in the coming semester.  As well as the most expensive canvas and oil paints at my disposal. 

To others, it would seem as though I now have anything a person could desire, that I was the happiest a person could be with all the materialistic things I now possess, yet I can't help but hate it. Hate everything about my situation.

I hate that Louis and myself are the only ones on this floor and that even though Mark is rich beyond reason, I have to share a bathroom with Louis, just because of the fact, that Louis was the only one on this floor for years, so Mark saw no need to add one. 

I hate the infinity pool, which I can see from my bedroom, and the home theatre just a few doors from mine and Louis'. I hate the mocking white tub in our shared bathroom, which could easily accommodate two persons, and most of all I hate having to live in a house where all its' richness mocks me. 

I despise the taunting clear glass shower, and the double vanity in the bathroom, which was always littered with Louis' belongings. Always serving the painful reminder that every time I entered the bathroom I would be able to see traces of him, feel traces of him yet never him completely. Always reminding me that he was so close yet simultaneously so far away. 

However, while it did remind me of those things, it also reminded me that if I so desired I could just walk out of my bedroom, or just enter our adjoined bathroom and I would hear him shuffling around his room. And that if he so desired he could as well, hear the sobs I tried to muffle into my pillow and that once he paid attention he would find the very anxiety running through my veins at the mere thought of our situation. 

Or, worst of all, if he chose to look behind all the layers of clothes masking my true form, he would find the littering, unwanted purple kisses on my skin.

However, above all of those things, I despised the fact that if he found all these imperfections he would be the only one to do so, as no one else would have any reason to come up to our floor given it was the highest one in the building, that being it was the third floor.

No one other than him would hear the weak and disgusting sobs escaping my body. Nor would they ever see me for who I truly was. That being a battered, bruised body, for anyone to use at their disposal. No one but him would ever find the angry blemishes below my ribs nor the unwillingly taken kisses to my once virgin stomach. No one would ever know the reason behind the purple and blue marks on my once clean and pure skin. Nor would they ever get to see these impurities. 

The only person who would ever know these things would be him.

The only person who would ever see the most private and personal parts of myself would be Louis. Whether by force or willingness, he would see them before anyone else and I had no idea how that made me feel. 

I had no idea whether I should be hurt or comforted by that fact, as no matter how he treated me, Louis was the one person who made me want to get rid of the impurities while at the same time lock them away in a safe. 

However, no matter the way I felt, it didn't change the fact that bruises were still very much there. 

It was the reality of my situation, and even though he would be the only one to see them, the situation was just as daunting, if not more now. 

This is why I needed to start preparing myself for when the inevitable would happen, as I am sure he would have many questions and I would need to find suitable lies to answer them.