Dream smp age regression one-shots

Rant.

You don't have to read this if you don't wanna.

Trigger warnings - Blackouts, dissociation(?), yelling, fighting, anger, not letting self regress, gender dysphoria.

My sibling told me that my mother is scared of me. And my mum just confirmed it. "I'm scared of if I come upstairs your going to yell at me." And then said she wasn't scared of me! In the past she's almost found out I'm pan, hell, she knows I'm trans but refuses to understand it.

I don't think she knows how hard it is to he looked in the eyes while your crying and told again and again how I am a girl, how feminine I look and the constant she/her, I've said it before, if I hear one more she/her then I'm she/hurling myself off a cliff. And I meant it. I was so excited that my friend had told me that if he didn't know I was a boy that they wouldn't be able to tell. And my mum told me how feminine I look. And now when I look in the mirror I don't recognise myself! It's like there's a stranger staring back at me! Hell I sound crazy at this point, and with the inner voices, I know 1 is named Max and 1 is named Alice, I don't like them, for all I know Max and Alice are the reason for this weird 10000 miles away and blackouts!

I'm to scared to regress half the time! If I get my paci out and she comes in I'm going to be yelled at! I can't handle stuff like that! And then I blackout and who knows how long it's been! Or how much I've missed! Hell I've lost sleep over this! It's terrifying! I blackout and sometimes is a hour sometimes a week or a month! It's terrifying! When I told her I needed counciling she acted as if hugs would fix trauma! No! Hugs do not fix trauma! You can't tell me "I thought you got over that" when she knows full well that those things stuff affect me to this day!

The hell am I meant to do! Blink and forget everything she did to me? The hell I went through daily? I was told every day that I had something wrong with me! Or that I was different! That's still going to affect me till today!

And it's the anxiety and the gender dysphoria and the trauma! All of it builds up and i snap! And I yell! I'm sorry! But I can't stop that! And I'm scared that if I do regress then I'll be a burden and a trouble! It's terrifying! Because then I do regress!

No posts for a day or two. Bye.