Blackout days, I don't recognise myself anymore

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Little - Ranboo (5-1)
Caregiver - None
Information -
Ranboo doesn't recognise himself anymore, it causes him to regress. Vent chapter

Do not read when regressed.

Trigger warning(s) -
Please please please listen to these.
Blackouts, not recognising self, not feeling real, crying, head hitting.

Nobody's POV -
Ranboo didn't feel particularly present, the past week had gone past in a blur, nothing there, Ranboo could compare it to a light switch being turned off on him.

When Ranboo wanted, no, needed to speak to someone about it, he got scared, and didn't. Other people needed the help, he was fine.

Ranboo paused at the mirror, who was looking back at him? It wasn't him, it was a stranger, who was staring back at him, the cotton balls in his ears only seemed to grow, everything a soundless mess around him, he knew he was crying, but who wouldn't? There was a stranger in the mirror! That's when the thought came. It was violent and brutal, but a old familiar friend, what if none of this is real? That started it. The endless spiral.

Ranboo didn't remember ending up on the floor, hitting his head, again, again, again. He didn't remember regressing or the cracked sobs that left him as he fought to feel real, to even feel alive. Ranboo didn't remember blacking out. He didn't remember that night. He didn't remember the next 3 weeks, when he did, he was in bed, safe.
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This was a vent chapter, I needed it, it's how I've been feeling for the past month or so, I'm back.
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Time of posting - 23:29
Date of posting - Sunday 24th July 2022
Word count - 277

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