Heartbreaker

Chapter 43: Of Dulled Sparkles and Everlasting Flickers

"How long will you be like this?" Yoongi seriously asked. "It's been two weeks."

Taehyung continued to pretend that he was sleeping.

"Just go there and take him back. Don't lie to yourself. That's what you really wanted."

He was putting the beer cans and soju bottles in a bag.

"You can't forgive him?"

Taehyung turned his back on him.

"Or you can't forgive yourself? What you did, I know it's hard for you—"

"I didn't do anything." He steely interrupted.

"You think I'm stupid? I saw the bruise you gave him. I know you're guilty. That's why you can't face him. You think you don't deserve him anymore. That's why you foolishly hid away and watched him from a distance when he left. He waited for you. He's still waiting for you."

Yoongi slumped on a single sofa and sighed.

"You are both not fine. He's still hoping, waiting. While you're wallowing here. Do you want to know what he's doing to get through every day?"

"I don't! I don't want to know!" Taehyung abruptly sprung.

"He's killing himself with work. He doesn't eat and he can't sleep. You want to know what I think? You'll be too late once you realize that you want him back. Or maybe you'll go first. Because of what you're doing to yourself!" The tirade made Yoongi catch his breath.

"If you can't forgive yourself, it's fine. That's your choice. Only you can decide when you'll do that. But you have to let him go properly. If you don't want to take him back. If this is the end of the line for the two of you. Grant him your forgiveness. So he can go on with his life."

Taehyung started to weep. Yoongi sat beside him. He slowly and feebly tapped his back.

"It's okay. Let it all out." He consoled.

"It hurts. It hurts so much. I love him. I don't want to lose him but I can't hold him either." Taehyung cried. "If only none of it happened. It wouldn't be this way if we didn't hurt each other."

"But that's just how it is. When you love, you give them your heart. And also the power to break it. It will always hurt. It's impossible not to. You just have to decide if he's worth the pain. If he's worth the heartbreak. Your heartbreaker might be willing to pick your heart and piece it back together. But sometimes, you have to do it on your own."

Taehyung wiped his eyes and sniffed. "I didn't know you have this in you. It's cheesy. Jimin is really rubbing on you."

Yoongi timidly smiled and suddenly stood. He cleared his throat and continued tidying the table.

Taehyung thought about it. Honestly, he's been wanting to see Jungkook. There was never a day when he doesn't. But every time he decides to, he goes back two steps behind. He felt like it was something he seek undeservedly. So he lived, day by day, depriving himself of anything he desired about him.

He finally gave in a few days after. He boarded the plane and told no one about it. He walked the unfamiliar streets of Paris, passing through dainty spots and splendid sceneries. The most romantic city looked bleak and gray in Taehyung's eyes. He didn't see its beauty. Maybe because he was desolate and blue. Or maybe because he paid no mind. But instead he anticipated seeing his most exquisite sight.

He still is. Despite looking gaunt and tired. Yoongi was right. He was drowning himself with tasks. He strolled out and around the city. Visiting libraries and hopping from one food market to another. He watched him from afar and followed him like a shadow. He paced and halted when he did.