Baby

seventeen

I was only seventeen when I met him. I was twenty when he left me. It's been two years, and I'm about to go up on stage and give my valedictorian speech and the only thing I can think of, is how he's not here for me now. There hasn't been a day in the last two years that I haven't thought about him. There hasn't been a day that I stopped loving him.

I watch as all the graduates around me smile and laugh and joke around. I feel empty when I watch them. I feel like there's this hollowness in my heart - my stomach.

I've never gotten over the miscarriage. I don't know how one gets over something like that.

The last two years were the hardest, both in terms of coursework and in terms of my mental health.

When I got out of the hospital, I knew I was homeless. I couldn't go back to my home, and my parent's wouldn't welcome me either.

I got a part-time job as a stripper. It was tough at first, but I made some friends. They showed me the ropes. They were probably here in the crowd now, waiting for me to graduate.

I got an apartment, it wasn't home but it was nice. I got a washing machine, a dryer, a gas stove. I got a life, hobbies, stable work. I supported myself. I made myself.

I was proud, so damn proud of my achievements, of the fact that I got back up even if my knees shook.

After the miscarriage, I wanted to die. I didn't know what else there was.

Now I was here, standing on this stage, about to give a speech because I graduated top of my class. For some reason though, traces of that emptiness still seeped through. I brushed them off, I didn't want to bring myself down on such a special occasion.

I looked down at my wedding ring when I started speaking.

"Good morning graduating class of 2016. I want to thank the staff, faculty, alumni, and the amazing student body present here today."

Breathing deep, I glanced out at the sea of blue. The color was eerily similar to my man's eyes.

"The last five years have been the hardest of our lives. I have no doubt that you all can agree with that. We have faced the challenges put forth by our mentors, by our lives, and by ourselves. We have learnt a great deal about veterinary science, and ourselves. I am glad that I can stand before you, and say that we have overcome our obstacles and that we will soon cross the finish line. I am glad that I can say that despite it all, we made it here today. But I urge you, do not be stagnant. Evolve, adapt and thrive. Climb to heights you would normally be afraid of, and climb higher still. Do not let the restrictions of the sky cage you in. We have sent people to space, sky is no longer the limit. Go beyond. Go bravely."

There were shouts from the crowd and then, all at once, the tossing of blue caps.