Pines, Reporting for Duty

Chapter 14

(Dipper pov)

I lay awake in the middle of the night, moonlight streaming into the room through the window. I glance over at Bill, sleeping on his side with his back to me. I see scars covering his back, one huge one in the center of his back. It's the same trianble symbol that he carved into my arm and chest. Is that why he's so obsessed with that symbol, because someone scarred him with it? But who would do that and why?

My eyes glance down at the bandage wrapped tightly around my right hand, blood spotting where my pointer finger used to be. It's only a dull pain now, but it's so unreal. It's almost like I can still feel my finger there, it's difficult for me to really explain.

A small sigh escapes me as I sit up and get out of the bed, making my way over to the window. I sit on the windowsill as I look out at the dark forest surrounding the property. He seems to like living in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees and darkness.

Maybe he finds it as peaceful? I don't get it, especially at night like this. Everything just looks threatening, like something could be lurking in the shadows waiting to jump out at any minute. I love exploring the forests during the day but at night, it's like one of those awful horror movies. I seriously hate those damn things. They're so pointless.

I look down at my walking cast on my leg. If I really wanted to, I could try to escape again. He's asleep so it would be realitively easy. The walking cast might slow me down a bit but not too much. But what's the point? If I even attempt to leave again, he'll just force me back again and kill Stan or Ford this time. They're better off just thinking that I'm dead, they'll be safer that way and it will make them stop worrying about what could possibly be happening to me.

I nearly jump out of my skin feeling a tap on my shoulder. Looking up I see Bill standing over me.

"You sure are jumpy, Pinetree."

"I wasn't...I-I swear I-"

"Relax, I know you weren't trying to escape." He sits next to me on the windowsill and looks out to the forboding darkness.

"How did you know I wasn't trying to get away again?"

"Because you know what I would do if you tried. I know that this time at least I have set a strong enough example on the consequences you'll have to face if you try anything again." His fingers reach out caressing my cheek. I can't stop myself from flinching away at his touch. "Always with the flinching, Pinetree."

"It's just an involuntary reflex, not something that I can control, Bill."

"Maybe, or maybe in time you'll learn to control it. So one day you'll no longer flinch away from me."

I look out the window again. "Why do you like being in the middle of nowhere like this?"

"It's quiet, and far from anyone else. People drive me fucking insane with all their noise."

"You already are insane."

"Yeah, well people make me feel even more insane."

"....did Mr. Murphy really molest you?"

"Yeah, but he wasn't the first. That isn't even a main reason for why I killed him and his family."

"Then why did you do it?"

"Why do you think I did it?"

"You lack social cues, perfer being alone, lack empathy or remorse, don't care about anyone but yourseld, and are a complete narcissist. These are all signs of a psychopath. That is reason enough. I just don't understand why you spared the baby."

"I don't either, same way I don't know why I don't just kill you."

"What do you mean?"

"Killing you would save me a lot of trouble. But I let you live instead."

"Then why don't you kill me and just get it over with? Would save us both a lot of trouble."

"Psychopaths can't feel emotions for others, right?"

"Yes."

"But since you found me in that warehouse, I've felt things. Things that I should not be feeling, and have never felt before. I don't really understand these feelings or know what they are. I just know that I don't want them to go away no matter what it takes."

"Even if you have to hurt people?"

"Especially if I get to do harm to more people. No exceptions this time."

I go silent looking down at my feet. He gently grabs my wrist turning it over showing th pale scars lining my wrist, some newer than others.

"Why would you do something like this to yourself?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. You cut too deep and you'll do more than just leave some scars."

"....you were right, about before. I wanted Ford and Stan to be proud of me as a cop, but nothing I did worked. They both did so much when they were my age that it seemed like nothing I did was good enough and then my demotion just made them more disappointed in me. Mabel didn't understand the pressure I was under constantly. I needed some kind of outlet. This was the only one I had."

He pulls me closer wrapping his arm around me and running his fingers through my hair.

"You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged, oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
The darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

Show me a smile then
Don't be unhappy
Can't remember when
I last saw you laughing
This world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
Just call me up
'Cause I will always be there

And I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful
I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful
Like a rainbow
Oh oh oh oh oh like a rainbow"

Surprisingly, I find my body relaxing as my eyes close and my head rest on his chest.